


Let me be me (just in your arms)

by Saltwish



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempted Assault, Emotional Damage, Eruriren Week, Kinky sex, M/M, Modern AU, On Hiatus, angst up to the tits, established eruri, one night stand that might go farther, potentially triggering moments in the sex trade industry, questions of self-worth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:12:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1781965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltwish/pseuds/Saltwish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bills don't pay themselves and pride doesn't mean much when compared with survival. Spend enough time selling the important parts of yourself and you tell yourself it doesn't hurt anymore- but, oh, it does.</p><p>You know better, when they ask you for your company and you don't tell them your flesh has a price tag. You know better, but you don't say a word, because for once, you want to feel wanted for a choice you made on your own.</p><p>(You get what you pay for, but the best things in life are free, isn't that how the saying goes?)</p><p>Or, the one where Eren sells himself as an escort until he lets a pair of married men take him home.</p><p>((Currently on Hiatus))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Young and Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Eruriren week, days 3 and 4: basically angst/regrets and hot filthy sex. I saw my chance and I took it. unbeta'd, will screen for errors later.

It wasn’t the first time he’d lain awake and naked, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling with a warm, sleeping body nearby. It was, however, the first time in a long time he hadn’t been paid to be there. Sleep still dragged at him, the ache of well-earned exhaustion weighing down his limbs, and it was hard to remember why he’d forced himself awake.

His invitation hadn’t run out, yet; the last words spoken in between sleepy grumbles and yawns had been, “Should I go?” Followed by an assertive, “ _Sleep, it’s fine._ ” Another voice had rumbled, wry and amused against his ear, “We did wear you out, after all.” And then arms had slid around his waist, pulling him close to a warm body while another sprawled against his chest.

They were still there, warm and solid and fitting snugly against him as if he fit there. Another first of his life, being tucked between two naked men who’d taken turns fucking him silly, but one he wouldn’t mind getting used to if he had the chance.

He didn’t, though. Eren didn’t have a lot of romantic experience himself, but he was pretty sure two gorgeous men with wedding rings on their fingers that shared warm, knowing glances didn’t keep the strays they picked up in bars for a night of fun. Eren was already breaking his own rules, besides; as little as he liked it, this was supposed to be business, a way to pay off the hospital bills his father had walked out on until one of the many resumes and applications he’d turned in actually resulted in a job. It was just sex, just a business transaction, and Eren told himself he didn’t mind so much, that it didn’t change his worth as a person or make him somehow unclean. Some days, he almost believed it.

Tonight, though, he’d been in one of the usual bars downtown, clean enough to ensure clients with most of their teeth but seedy enough that no one would be surprised when he asked for payment up front. Dressed to kill, a practiced smile on his face, he’d nursed a single beer and scanned the room, waiting for a likely prospect to catch his eye, or him to catch theirs. Gender didn’t matter, if they had the money and followed the rules; being pan himself, Eren honestly didn’t notice a difference except in what was expected of him. He’d gotten practiced enough, picking up people that would pay him for the night, that he was used to the pattern, used to the sidelong glances he got from the bartenders occasionally, used to carefully avoiding the too-innocent eyes of a few people that thought he was cute but wouldn’t know what to do with a prostitute. Fuck, he hated that word, didn’t want to claim it even in his mind, but what else could he call himself? Until he got another, more acceptable job, this was his working title. It made him the money he needed, and that had to be what mattered.

That didn’t mean he had to like it, and it didn’t stop the squirm of misery in his guts when he recalled what it felt like to never have slept with someone he didn’t care about, didn’t know well enough to trust them with his body and not worry about the outcome. Maybe that was why, tonight, he’d been less intent than usual about finding someone to make a move on. Kept his eyes on his beer, his hands half the time instead of reading the room. He couldn’t really afford to take the night off, was only just breaking even with his rent and bill payments, but god, he really didn’t want to do this tonight. It wasn’t even about not wanting sex; he just didn’t think he could handle another night of explaining his ‘price’ and his ‘rules’ to someone, and watching the shift in their eyes as they wrote him off as a lesser being. He didn’t need their respect, just their money, but Christ, it still felt like shit to see the loss of his humanity in the eyes of someone about to put their hands and body all over his skin.

Maybe that was why, when two men had settled on the bar near him, talking in low, intimate tones and laughing together, he’d watched them so closely. He didn’t chase couples, had more decency than that, and most of the time he didn’t spend much time looking at them, either. This time, already swimming in misery up to his neck, he’d watched and let himself ache a bit. They’d been clearly close, familiar with each other the way couples got after years of learning each other; near-opposites, from what Eren could tell, but they complimented each other. One of them short and lithe with a kickboxer’s build, in snug dark clothing with a thin-lipped snarl and a sarcastic, filthy sense of humor, by what Eren could hear over the bar’s chatter. The other incredibly tall, more so than Eren himself and built solid and strong, the neat business suit doing nothing to hide the muscle on his trim frame, though as elegant and poised as he seemed, no other clothing would have looked right. The smaller was dark-haired and fair-skinned, the taller blonde and evenly tanned, and they just… fit; their bodies tilted naturally towards each other in their seats, tiny nudges and brushes of hands, body language so subtle and so clear that the wedding bands glinting on their fingers only confirmation what was on display.

They were beautiful, happy, and Eren was intensely jealous in the weirdest way. He didn’t want to squirm his way in- felt sick at the thought of intruding like that, actually- but he envied intensely the bond that they had. Even knowing nothing about them, he could draw the pretty obvious conclusion that sex, for them, was something good and clean and completely free of ugly strings that started with the word ‘payment.’

Eyes pinned to the bar under his half-empty beer bottle, Eren clenched his jaw and felt something in his chest shift and snap. Fuck. He couldn’t do this tonight. Tomorrow, he’d smack some sense into himself and work his ass off, but he couldn’t put himself into a stranger’s hands for money right now; a cheap and careless fuck that meant nothing. Not after seeing it mean so much more.

He’d been finishing his bottle and standing to leave when he sensed a person behind him, heard a faint clearing of a throat. Fuck. If it was a client, he had to smile, had to behave himself; walking out of the bar was completely different from turning down money in hand. With his best attempt tugging at his lips, Eren turned around, only to blink at the taller, blonder of the couple he’d been watching. “Uh.”

“Hello. Do you have a moment?” Wow, that was a hell of a charming smile, and paired with eyes that were a startling shade of perfect sky blue. If the dude that had played Captain America had been a sexy older man, he’d look like this, and that in Eren’s opinion was entirely unfair.

Still bewildered, he tried to think of any reason half the Happy Couple would be talking to him, even as he leaned his hips back on the bar stool and nodded. “Uh, sure, what’s up?”

“Well, my partner and I are new in town, and we’ll be staying for a while, but our work won’t start for another few days. Could you give us some suggestions for entertainment?” The blond smiled again, something teasing and almost flirtatious in that smooth baritone; Eren shivered against his will.

Telling himself that the warm hint in the man’s voice was probably wishful think, he opened his mouth to answer when something slid through his peripheral vision, dark and silent, and silver-grey eyes were pinning him abruptly where he stood. Oh, shit, they were both really hot up close. That was really unfair; so was the smirk the second man gave at him caught his glance, before leaning forward and purring, “Hi,” into Eren’s face.

Alright, there was no imagining the hungry look he was being pinned with. Between the short-circuits in his brain, a voice in the back of his head muttered quietly, _I guess they’re a bit more adventurous than I thought_. Staring back evenly, brows quirking, Eren refrained from licking his lips, muttering, “Hi yourself,” after a second.

What had Captain America asked him? Right, entertainment. “Uh, depends on what you want, really. There’s a theater and some nice restaurants still open, I mean, if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s not really a tourist-y town so there aren’t a lot of sightseeing spots, but there’s a few nice bridges near the lake if you like driving around.”

“Fuck no, we were driving for nine hours.” The gunmetal-eyed man responded again, still farther into Eren’s personal space than made any sense for a married man. Far more polite, the blonde nonetheless nodded in agreement behind him.

Alright, they were just flirty, playful. He could handle that, even if it was making his pulse pick up and his gut tighten in the most inconvenient way possible. Eren shrugged. “Oh, okay. Well, then, uh… honestly there’s not much, if you’ve had that long of a drive. Unless you're in the mood for a nightclub, so... I’d say probably dinner and a night in would be your best bet. Try Netflix.”

He didn’t think he had said anything odd, but they both looked far too pleased. The blond spoke first. “A night in, hmm? I admit, that’s what I was considering.” There he went again, with that deep purr, it was really fucking unfair-

“Sounds good. Wanna join us?” And then there was no attention left for Captain America’s purr, because the darker man was tracing coy fingertips _up the side of his neck_ and wow there was not a single ambiguous way to take a statement like that, was there?

Shuddering under the (entirely too pleasant) touch, Eren sucked in his breath and took a careful step back; noting, as soon as he did, that the two men leaned back a bit, as if to give him space. Experience with the body language of his pushier clients made him absurdly grateful for the concession, even as he held up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. Having no idea how else to handle the situation, he went for blunt and honest (something he was sure at least the shorter one would appreciate).

“Look, um-“

“Levi, and this is Erwin.”

Nice names. “Levi and Erwin,” Eren repeated. “Hi, I’m Eren. Anyway, you’re both really hot and I’m not gonna say it doesn’t sound fun, but… aren’t you guys together?”

“We are,” Erwin responded, calm and poised as before but subtly guarded now. “Does that bother you?”

He took a moment, ran it through his mind and shook his head. He really didn’t have any reason to judge an open or poly relationship, or even just a couple experimenting for a night. It was adding himself to the equation that was making him stutter. “No, that’s… it’s not that it bothers me. I just… don’t know how things like that work, and I don’t really want to intrude, you know?”

Levi leaned his elbow on the bar, shrugging lightly. “It’s not an intrusion if we invite you. If you say no, then that’s fine, but you look fun and we’re bored, and if those puppy eyes were any indication than you’ve got no company for the night.”

Puppy eyes? Fuck, had they seen him brooding over them? Flushing miserably, Eren ducked his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. It felt like too much to process, but... Glancing up, he met both pairs of eyes, mercury-grey and soft, bright blue. They were interested, though they showed it differently. Sincere, honest, but without the cold and sneering tone some of his clients had once they knew he had a price.

It was nice, being looked at as an appealing human being instead of a piece of merchandise. Nice to think that, maybe just tonight, he could have and be had because he wanted and was wanted with clean, honest desire and not for any other, dirtier reason.

“Yeah,” he said, slowly at first. Then, nodding, he firmed his voice. “Yeah, I-I’d like that, if you… if you really want the company.”

Warm, firm hands tucked around his back as Levi pulled him forward, humming approval under his breath. Erwin watched, neutral in posture but eyes gleaming approval. “Well,” the blonde said quietly, “Not just any company…”

“Your company,” Levi finished, tugging Eren away from the bar, past Erwin who stepped behind them to brush a light touch over their shoulders. Before he knew it they were outside, moving towards a sleek black car far out of his own pay grade, and Eren had to be asked twice if he had a car there or not.

“Oh, I walked over.” They opened the door for him, of all the things; he liked being treated human, but this was a bit overboard. Or so Eren told himself, as he flushed and mumbled a thank-you.

“Good, no tickets to worry about.”

The car smelled wonderful as he slipped into the backseat; to his surprise, Levi followed, Erwin chuckling to himself as he took the driver’s seat and started the engine with a low, expensive purr. Seatbelts were entirely disregarded, Eren interrupted in the middle of reaching for his by a warm, incredibly solid body slipping into his lap.

“Erwin’s the safest driver this half of the country,” Levi purred into his ear, spine flexing as sudden, tantalizing contact lined them up from hip to chest. “We’re more likely to get hit by lightning while doing the Macarena than get in an accident with him driving.”

Considering those words were being sucked lightly into the side of his neck, Eren understandably didn’t come up with a clearer answer than the low whine Levi dragged out of him. This was familiar, in a way, the instinctive gut-deep heat that prompted his hips to lift, his hands to trace the tight muscle of Levi’s back as the man pressed against him. Even still, some part of his brain not being governed prompted him to say, “Wow, you sure know how to talk a guy into bed. I love imagining eighties dancers getting fried crispy out of nowhere.”

Erwin kept driving, a low chuckle the only response, but Levi reared back to stare at Eren for a moment. He had just enough time to panic before a crooked grin lit up the previous broody face like Christmas. “You shitty brat,” he breathed, looking entirely too delighted. “I’m gonna have to put your mouth to better use if you’re gonna get that sassy.”

Unthinking, Eren licked his lips, eyes narrowing hungrily. “Oh, are you?” Bold from the darkness of the car and the knowing, pleased glint of blue eyes that lifted to watch in the rearview mirror, Eren cupped the narrow hips in his lap, scraped his thumbnails over the ridge of bone, prompting a full-body shudder even through Levi’s clothes. Voice low and breathy without intention to be, Eren rasped, “I’d like that.”

The rest of the ride was a blur of hungry eyes, one pair blue and one pair grey, and clinging nipping kisses to his neck and throat, scraping bruises into his collarbones; though not before Levi asked permission to mark him in a gravel-rough voice that made Eren’s cock twitch as he nodded frantically. By the time they stumbled out of the car, Erwin’s hands steady where he caught them, Eren could barely walk for how tight his jeans had gotten, prompting a rude laugh from Levi and a purring nudge from Erwin as Eren was herded into a hotel elevator. He wasn’t even sure which hotel it was, but it was expensive as hell if the fancy décor was any indication.

Honestly, though, he wasn’t paying much attention to where he was, because there were two gorgeous fucking men running their hands over him, worshipful, tantalizing, and it was such a rush to be wanted without the clinging, sticky disgust of having been paid for.

The haze of lust was tempered down briefly- just barely- when they set down the ground rules. Eren was familiar with this process, knew it a bit too intimately from forming contracts with strangers. He just shrugged and nodded when Erwin gently insisted that they needed to state them before going further.

“You first, Bright Eyes,” Levi had prompted, fingers still kneading little circles into the muscles of Eren’s thighs; they were sitting in a circle on a massive bed coverlet, jackets and shoes removed at the door.

It was really hard to concentrate with those teasing touches, though. Eren shivered, bit his lips, and forgot to be tactful. “Mmm, uh, no kissing on the mouth. Condoms are required, period. No scat games or bloodletting. That’s about it.” There was more, a lot more, but most of it had to do with prices and that wasn’t something Eren was bringing into this experience.

Eyebrows raising, the other two men looked him over and then nodded at each other. “Good boy, smart and clean. I like that,” was Levi’s purr. Erwin had begun massaging the muscle of Levi’s back and shoulders, making him sound more like a contented, fluid creature than ever before.

“Our rules are simple,” Erwin rasped, nuzzling at the back of his husband’s head. “The same as yours for kissing and protection, and neither of us are interested in those kinds of games. We come as a pair, so while you may end up focused on one of us, the other will still be involved and touching you. If you only wanted one of us, then you misunderstand the situation. However, you’re free to say how much you’re comfortable with from either of us and we will listen. Do you have a specific role you prefer? I’m typically a dom and Levi is whatever he feels like at the time.”

Eren had to chuckle, still enjoying the sight of Levi melting under the big hands on his shoulders. “I knew that when I agreed to this, I’m fine with the situation. I’m… I’m good with whatever, actually. I think I’m a switch, so I tend to like going with the flow and not choreographing it ahead of time.” Meeting grey, then blue eyes, he let himself be honest the way he rarely was anymore. “If I’m uncomfortable or in pain I’ll say stop, but other than that… do your worst. I can take it.”

A visible shudder traced over Erwin’s strong form, something delightfully predatory gleaming in his eyes; Levi grinned. “You may regret telling him that, brat, but you’ll have fun in the meantime.”

Eren bit his lower lip, teal eyes bright, grinning despite himself. “Sounds like a good night to me. So, are you guys going to fuck me now, or are there more rules?”

And then he was on his back, hands holding his wrists to the bed as Levi smirked down at him. There’d been no warning between his languid sprawl and the leap into Eren’s personal space, again. Heat dragged claws up and down his limbs as the shorter man ground his ass down against Eren’s pelvis. “Oh, we’re going to fuck you, kid. Hope you don’t need to walk anywhere tomorrow.” With that promise, hands were sliding under his shirt to peel it up, over his head, and Eren let his spine go fluid as he let himself be stripped in record time. Two pairs of hands tugged at his clothes, dragged calloused and capable fingers over the exposed skin of his chest, arms, stomach. Erwin was behind Levi, who was still straddling Eren; the lean figure sat up on his knees and broad hand slipped between his thighs to rest on Eren, and Christ that was one of the hottest displays of familiarity he’d ever seen. They were in perfect sync, Levi licking traces of fire over his chest, Erwin’s mouth on his husband’s spine, undoing the skinny jeans low on Eren’s hipbones and dragging them off his legs. And, whoops, he never wore underwear on nights like this anyways so now two hungry pairs of eyes were fastened on his completely naked body.

He wasn’t very shy or modest to begin with, had lost most traces of it in the process of selling himself for sex; it was still a startling and overwhelming feeling, to be stared at like this. Levi was leaning back against Erwin’s chest, temple to the blonde’s jaw, humming with a pleased curl to his lips. Those stares were unnerving; hungry, yes, lusting for sure, but there was something else that made his heart beat faster. They looked at him like he was… something wonderful and unexpected.

He didn’t do well with waiting and holding still, especially not in situations like this. Flushing red, skin prickling with the need to be touched, Eren reached and tugged meaningfully at the edge of Levi’s shirt. “Hey, how come I’m the only one naked?”

More approval in those eyes and they moved again, Erwin’s hands scooping the snug black cloth up as Levi shimmied out of his shirt. More cloth followed, the movements practical yet somehow hotter for it, and Eren let himself enjoy the show as miles of taut skin and toned muscle came into view. He’d been right about their builds; Levi had the lean, tight muscle of a fighter, fast and deadly, a few suspicious-looking scars here or there on otherwise flawless pale skin. Erwin was solid planes of muscle that still avoided looking bulky or disproportional, still clearly flexible as he slipped out of his business clothes, a golden-skinned Adonis, and skulked back up onto the bed. Eren had enough time to think, with a mixture of apprehension and glee, that they were going to eat him alive. Then hands were on him, tugging and touching, and he lost himself to the flow of heat and sweat that was the best part of sex.

They didn’t have to stop and ask each other what worked, their body language clear and lines of thought compatible- and that was a rare and amazing thing, in Eren’s experience. It was easy to slide from position to position, kisses and bites dragging fire over the nerves of his body. Ending up on his knees with hands in his hair and the thick, latex-covered swell of Erwin’s cock sliding over his tongue, he took a moment to play the innocent, suckling and mewling at the girth pressing slowly between his lips. Well, that part wasn’t an act; the blond was hung like a fucking stallion, and a less-skilled human would not have been able to open their jaw wide enough to take the fat crown of him all the way to the back of their mouth. Eren let it slide in, pressing against his throat as he moaned. Lashes wet with reflexive tears, he blinked up at Erwin, shuddering at the intensity and heat in that sky-blue stare. Firm hands stroked over his cheeks, his jaw, before slipping into his hair and holding him still for the backwards slide and gentle, firm thrust of cock into his mouth.

He didn’t have a lot of experience with doms, but Eren appreciated the fine line of kindness in the control of the blond’s grip. Levi had slipped behind him, rocking their hips together gently, fingers tracing teasing lines over his groin, between his legs, spreading the slick of lube but not putting it to good use yet. It was both maddening and flattering, because these two gorgeous and powerful men had permission to do what they liked, but were still taking the time to be gentle about it, to be wary of roughing him up. Even like this, on his knees, he felt safe and cared-for. Strangers they might be, but Eren had enough experience to read between the lines, to gauge their behavior. He trusted them, insofar as this night went, and that let him relax enough to show off how far from breakable he really was.

Spine arching to press his hips back into Levi’s grip, Eren let his eyes close and swallowed as Erwin’s cock slid forward, leaning forward until the muscles of his throat fluttered and gave way. He had the experience to know his limits and the handy talent of no natural gag reflex, and he treasured the two low gasps in the room as he slid himself down to the hilt. It burned, a stretch beyond what he was used to, but he could handle it, and the faint tremor of the hands in his hair as his nose pressed into trimmed blond pubic hair was so very worth the trouble.

“God, look at you,” Levi’s voice rasped against his spine, a low growl of approval that made him flush hotter. “You’re practically made for this, aren’t you?” Clever, gloved fingers played between his legs still, circling his hole now with more intent. Eren had raised an eyebrow at the shorter man when he’d grabbed a latex glove for the process, but hadn’t protested, secretly impressed with how sanitary they were being about the whole thing. Now, the slick texture of the lube-covered digits made him whine against the stretch of Erwin’s cock in his mouth, drawing out a low, broken noise from the man he was blowing. God, this was fun. He’d never taken the time to really think about the logistics of a threesome like this, but the interplay between their actions and reactions was one hell of a rush.

Erwin slid out a little, fucked back into his mouth, and Eren let tears run down his cheeks and drool down his lips as he sucked and licked and swallowed at the heavy thickness, the taste of the condom long forgotten at this point. Levi’s fingers pressed, teased, and finally slid in two at a time with a familiar slick stretch that made him groan. He always kept himself lucid in sex these days, knowing better than to lose himself when it was just business, but this felt different. It wasn’t money and clients and needing to stay wary of any breaking of his rules. Plied between them, being filled, all rational thought took a far backseat, fever and animal desire ruling his body. High on the endorphins of being wanted, of being here of his own choice, Eren let himself trust; he fell backwards off the ledge, unafraid, and let instinct take over.

It was heat and mindless pleasure, after that, the heavy stretch and slam inside of him as he was fingerfucked; rasping praise whispered into his ears as Erwin bucked and slid into his mouth, faster now, rougher in the best way. Throat hot, mouth buzzing with the friction, Eren whined and slurped until his body was shaking, precum dripping off the painful swell of his own cock. The urge to grab at himself, stroke out some relief was hard to ignore, but he resisted; if he came now, they might stop or turn to each other, and he wanted to be used as long as possible.

He whined protest as his mouth emptied, lips swollen as he panted for the breath he hadn’t been able to get for uncounted time. “Easy, easy,” someone crooned, and he realized he still had his eyes closed but didn’t try to open them. “We’ve got you, sweetheart, there we go.” He trusted that voice, let it lead him wherever they wanted. It was easier to let himself follow, muscle fluid and skin burning with sensitivity to the touches brushed, deliberate, across him. Heat and muscle pressed close to his back, arms wrapped strong around him as they tipped back onto the bed; only the breadth of the shape against him telling him that it was Erwin before Levi’s slim but similarly dense build straddled his hips.

He briefly came aware long enough to giggle, realizing he was quite literally the meat in their sandwich, before fingers slid into his mouth and he moaned, sucking hungrily at the salt tang of bare skin.

“There you go, you like it when your mouth’s full, don’t you baby?” God, Levi’s voice should be illegal, such a low, crooning rasp, lighting up fire inside his guts until he wanted to scream and beg for more. Eren settled for a pleading whine, and felt the chest beneath him rumble in amusement.

Broad hands traced up his stomach, tracing the contours of his stomach muscles before clever fingers played with the sensitive, tight buds of his nipples; Eren nearly screeched, would have if the knowing ply of hard fingers hadn’t pressed further into his throat at just the right time. Erwin’s voice came, deep and chocolate-smooth, purring beside his ear. “Levi, we shouldn’t tease him so much. He’s been so good, doesn’t he deserve a reward?” A kiss to his pulse to punctuate the point, teeth scraping lightly at his earlobe, and Eren felt an actual sob wrack his chest at how good it felt.

“Mmm.” Purring, Levi shifted above him, and Eren’s eyes shot open in shock at the sudden, tight grasp of fingers around his dick. Whimpering, he shook with the need to thrust up into the other man’s fingers, even as molten quicksilver eyes stared down at him approvingly. “Yeah, I think you’re right, Erwin. Look at him, he’s already so far under… alright, sweetheart, lift your hips.”

Obedience was thoughtless, immediate, and Eren felt a flush of pleasure from the approval on Levi’s face. Hands lifted his ass and the sound of lube being slicked over something made his guts clench in anticipation; a moment later the broad press of Erwin’s cock against his hole made him squeak around the fingers still in his mouth. Then pressure, muscle flexing under him as Erwin pressed forward, and blackness dragged across the edges of his vision from how fucking good it felt to be filled, slow and dragging across his insides.

It was slow and careful for long moments, letting him adjust, mouth empty now as Levi stroked his hair and rasped, “You doing okay, kiddo?” And Christ, he had to think about it, because Erwin was the biggest he’d had in… ever? And it burned, so solid and lodged in his body, but it was good.

“I’m good, I’m great, please-“ Trembling, he pressed down his hips, whimpering at the answering buck of pressure underneath him. And then Erwin was fucking up into him, fat and impossibly hot even through the condom, reaching a point Eren didn’t think he could be filled to. Levi pressed up close to him, the tight heat of his dick pushing against Eren’s, and he lost his mind again at the twin sensations rocking through his body.

They found a rhythm with surprising ease, spines flexing and skin slapping together, Erwin pushing up as Levi rocked down, and Eren gripped tight to what skin he could and let himself be taken. Friction, heat, the burn of skin on his own, the ache of being filled over and over. They sped up, until he was crying out on the edge, then slowed down, reducing them all to sweating, trembling masses as they teased around the edge of climax but did not fall.

When Levi met his eyes, an approving little smirk visible even through the strain of holding off his orgasm, Eren couldn’t control his babbling if he tried. “Beautiful, Christ, you’re both so beautiful, I- oh god, please, _please_ -!”

Erwin’s fingers tightened on his hips, teeth digging into the back of his shoulder, and Levi actually smiled, wide and honest and just a little bewildered. “Look who’s talking,” he whispered, his thumb flicking over the tip of Eren’s cock just as Erwin lodged hard and firm against his prostate, and he was lost.

White burned through his brain, behind his eyes, heat driving up through his guts with the force of a punch; muscles wringing tight, pleasure flooding, Eren let his head fall back and screamed through the best orgasm of his life. Even as he crested, he could feel the sudden, desperate buck of Erwin underneath him; feel the ragged, drawn out groan as the man swelled inside him, and what should have been an aftershock spiked higher into more and more. Levi gasped above him, heat streaking Eren’s stomach suddenly, and the last handful of stars in Eren’s guts finally burned out, leaving him shaking and glowing warm all over. His muscles felt like overheated rubber, and vaguely through the lethargy and overwhelming dizziness, he could tell that he was shaking. Eyes slipping closed, he let his head loll to the side, on Erwin’s shoulder, and passed out completely.

Brief snippets of information filtered through the heavy black veil in his mind, soft wordless murmurs and the tilt of gravity as he was gently moved. At one point, something damp and coarse swiping over his skin, a soothing voice reassuring him as he whimpered. Then nothing but warmth and darkness, the sense of being tightly secure and safe.

He’d come to some time later, to be greeted with warm touches and praise from the two men he was still tangled up in. No mention of his fainting was brought up, thankfully, though Levi had murmured, soft and kind behind him, “If I’d known you’d go that far into subspace, I’d have asked you for a safe-word first.”

“Sorry,” Eren had mumbled, sleepy, curling deeper into the warm tangle of limbs. “I don’t… usually let myself… trust you, though.”

And then silence, one he was still too tired to interpret, before warm hands resumed the fond petting of his back and hair. “I see.” A kiss, laid gentle and simple on his shoulder, and Erwin’s voice murmuring, “Thank you, Eren, for that trust.” They’d fallen back asleep, murmuring promises when he briefly mumbled a question that he could stay the night, just sleep, it was fine.

And now, here he was, awake again and this time clear-headed enough to know he needed to go. He was in over his head, already enraptured with two men who had each other and no need for him in their lives as more than a diversion, a pretty barfly they’d picked up for the night. He knew that, but god if he didn’t want to stay. They’d wrapped themselves up around and over him, Erwin and Levi’s hands entwined over Eren’s hip, one of each of their legs tucked around his to hook ankles, keeping him solidly within the space of their bodies. It shouldn’t feel natural, he thought, to feel so at home tucked naked against two men whose last names he didn’t know. That didn’t stop regret from coiling tight and cold in his guts as Eren carefully began to shimmy himself out of their arms and off the bed.

It was easier than he expected, but he was used to this by now, had a little too much practice in how to get away without waking people up. It helped that they were used to sleeping with each other, he was sure; once he got out of the way, Levi rolled closer seeking warmth and Erwin tucked him under his arm, not even waking up, the motion automatic and well-rehearsed.

For a moment, as Eren tugged his pants back on, he watched them curled against each other, still at rest. They looked just as perfect, just as beautiful as they had in the bar, but this was a completely different level of intimacy on display. Even if he’d only been allowed to experience it for a few moments, Eren was intensely grateful to be allowed here, looking at something that… _right_. He didn’t belong, as much as he might want to, but they did and it felt like watching a miracle after all of the jaded, miserable ways he’d experienced sex in the last few months.

He had to go back to doing what he’d been doing, had no way of paying off his debts otherwise, but he’d remember this. He’d hold tightly to it, when the despair crawled up his throat again, use it as the memory equivalent of a safe place and a warm hug.

It was okay if he had to objectify and sell himself, to suffer through cheap and miserable encounters, as long as he remembered that something this good also existed in the world.

He got his jeans fastened, was searching quietly for his shirt and avoiding their clothes as he stepped around. It was careless of them, he thought, leaving pants and wallets here when they didn’t know him from any other stranger on the street. Another person might have been tempted, but of every dirty thing he knew he was, Eren was not and never had been a thief. He folded the clothes he came across, neatly and without creases, before setting them on the chair near the hotel room window; not a single belonging in their pockets disturbed. Finally finding his shirt where Levi had tossed it, Eren slipped his arms through the sleeves and was about to pull it on when he froze. Instinct had always served him well, a wordless alert system of both good and bad impressions that he relied on more than most people. Now, skin prickling and awareness flooding his system with adrenaline, Eren lowered his arms and turned around.

Without having made a sound, Levi had gotten up and was watching him, one shoulder leaned casually against the wall. Shadows draped his form, but the pale-skinned form was still completely bare and just as perfect as it had been hours before. Expression blank and neutral, arms crossed, he asked in a low, soft voice, “Running off already, kid?”

Flushing, Eren first glanced at Erwin, seemingly still out cold, before shrugging slightly. “Sorry,” he whispered back, not quite able to make eye contact. “I just, uh… it’s probably easier this way, y’know.”

“Not really.” Levi was still staring at him, no emotion visible on his face, voice even and low. “I get that you’re used to a lot worse, but we’re not the types that erase nights like this and sweep them under the rug. We were gonna take you to breakfast, enjoy the morning, drive you home. Leave our numbers in case you wanted to try this again. But I guess, if you don’t want that-“

“No, I-“ Eren swallowed, ducking his head to stare at his hands, the tangle of his shirt dark and shapeless in the faint light from the outside streets. “Honestly that sounds amazing, but…” But what? It wasn’t like he hadn’t wished, in some corner of his brain, that they wanted more from him than a casual fuck. The problem was that Eren wasn’t any different now than he was in the bar. He was still suffocating under bills he didn’t have the job to pay for, still giving over his body in exchange for what he needed. These men didn’t deserve to have someone crawling into their bed with bruises from other people on his skin, and all the showers in the world wouldn’t clean off the feeling of dirty, guilty shame that coated his skin.

“I’m not… good like that. Levi, I… I’m really glad you asked me to come with you, but you… I don’t belong here.” _I don’t deserve this_. Eyes still downcast, Eren pulled his shirt on and eased onto his feet, knees popping from the long night of strain.

Levi didn’t argue or ask questions, both confusing and a relief. Instead, as if it were perfectly normal, he nodded and walked to the chair where Eren had folded their clothes. Watching, Eren felt nausea rock through his body as Levi tugged a wallet out from somewhere in the pile. Without thought, he balled his fists, hissing, “I’m not a fucking thief,” under his breath.

“I can see that, brat.” Levi shook his head, seeming amused as he counted out… a lot of bills from the wallet. Christ, how loaded were they? Shaking his head, Eren kept his eyes elsewhere and moved towards the door, intending to put his shoes on and find his way back home.

Before he could, a hand pressed to his chest, warm as it settled on his breastbone. It felt… nice. Like he could lean into it and that strong, easy grip would hold him up. Resisting, he turned his head, mouth opening. “What is it-?”

Money. It was being held out, a fat roll of bills that he could tell without counting was far beyond what he made in a night. Paling, stomach falling through his feet, Eren stared at it and then up at Levi. “Wh… I don’t understand.”

“You need it, right? S’the only reason a pretty kid like you would be offering himself up on a platter in a shitty dive like that.” Still neutral, as if it didn’t matter, Levi still held out the roll of money. “I don’t know why you didn’t ask up front, but I don’t want you getting in trouble-“

“I don’t want it.” He swallowed, trying to get the taste of bile out of his mouth. “Th-thank you, but I…” Christ, he was going to cry. He hadn’t wanted this, soft grey eyes looking at him and knowing what he was and what he’d done. That sneering, dehumanizing glint wasn’t present yet, but maybe Eren was too afraid to look for it. Carefully, he reached out, taking the fine-boned contours of Levi’s hand in his and curling the fingers around the money, concealing it from view. His grip trembled slightly and he let himself indulge in a brief caress of his thumb over the knuckles of the other man’s hand.

“Please. I… chose you. I chose this, for myself. I needed it… I needed to remember that I can want things for myself, without needing… _this_.” He squeezed their joined grip on the bills, staring at the contrast of his tanned fingers on Levi’s white until his vision blurred and ran wet down his cheeks. As shameful as the crack of his voice was, he couldn’t pull it back into his body as he begged, “Please, Levi, just let me have that. I can’t… I didn’t want to be something for sale to you, too.”

Wordless tension, before a soft sigh echoed in response. Warm fingers cupping his cheek, swiping away the wet streaks and tugging until wet blue-green eyes met grey again. Voice kind, face subtly softer, Levi just nodded. “That’s fine, Eren. But this doesn’t make you less of anything. You weren’t something for sale, you’re a human being that shared themselves with us for a night. If you need money to get by, that’s not necessarily… even related, as far as I’m concerned, alright?”

He shouldn’t cry so easily at his age, but in the forgiving darkness of a room where he’d dropped all of his guards already, with kind eyes watching him, Eren couldn’t really help it. He bit his lip, hiccupped as he tried to swallow the sob in his throat, and nodded for lack of voice to speak with.

“Ah, Christ, kid- come here.” And then he was being hugged, firm and businesslike, as if it wasn’t ridiculous that they were here in the first place, the shorter and considerably less dressed of them standing up on his toes to wrap his arms around Eren’s shoulders. The mental image made Eren snort, even as he let his face tuck into hot, firm skin; shuddered a bit, swallowed more noises and words that wouldn’t make any difference and tried to breathe again.

When he finally straightened, Levi caught his chin in sure fingers, staring in his eyes without letting him look away. “I still think you should stay.”

He sniffed, wiped under his nose with his sleeve, despite the immediate curl of Levi’s mouth at the gross action. “Why? You… you know what I am.”

“I know what you do. It’s not the defining trait of your existence, brat, though I know it can feel like it sometimes.” Mouth tight, Levi grumbled, moved away to grab a square of tissue off the bedside dresser and came back, swiping irritably at Eren’s face. “God, you’re a mess.”

“Yeah, I am,” he agreed, laughing humorlessly under his breath.

“Not like that, stupid.” Unamused eyes pinned him again. “But mess or not, we picked you and we like you. If you want to stay, you should stay; no one here cares about how you earn your money except you.”

That didn’t seem possible, incongruous in his mind, but … god, he wanted to believe it. He wanted to think that maybe, out of this whole awful fucking situation he’d ended up in, maybe there was a space of good things that he could accept.

Watching him consider it, Levi bumped their knees together, expression turning sly. “Aw, come on. Free breakfast, that’s gotta be worth a few more hours of sleep crammed between two old men, right?”

Startled into a bark of laughter at that comment, Eren let himself lean forward, brow thunking into Levi’s. Grey eyes blinked at him, but didn’t pull back; Eren sighed. “Yeah, alright. If… if you’re sure it’s okay.”

“Kid, the only one who thought it wasn’t okay was you. Now get those damned hooker jeans off and get back in the bed.” Words punctuated with a casual slap to Eren’s ass, Levi turned and without ceremony squirmed his way back into the covers.

Grinning to himself, he wasted no time doing just that, tossing the clothes in the general vicinity of where they’d been before and slipping under the blankets again. Warm arms slipped around his back, tugging him close to warmth and a solid, breathing, living body. Erwin, suspiciously asleep this entire time, rolled over and flung an arm over both of them, until Levi was sandwiched between their chests and looking entirely too pleased with the situation. It was easy, so strangely easy, to relax like that. To let two people’s hands on his back lull him into sleep, nose tucked into dark, soft hair that smelled like expensive shampoo. A low rumble, and he felt breath on his face before Erwin leaned up and kissed his brow, soft and sleepy like he didn’t even know he was doing it.

It didn’t fix everything. It didn’t change the world Eren had to go back to tomorrow. But for tonight, it was okay; it was perfect.


	2. Lolita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so blown away by all of the amazing comments and enthusiasm this has gotten. You guys are awesome, and I love you all. So much so that I just fried my brain to get you this update. A little shorter and no smut this time, but I doubled up on the angst and gave you some of Eren's backstory instead.
> 
> The smut will return soon don't worry. xD Also my titles are taken from shit I listen to while writing i'm so sorry I'm lame.
> 
> Enjoy, my dears, and as always my [tumblr](http://khimairan.tumblr.com) is open to comments or questions.

Typically Eren was an early riser, the type to run around the block in the fresh early-morning air before getting ready for a day of hoofing it around town, putting in resumes and applications anywhere that would take them. Even on the days he stayed in, he wasn’t the type to lounge in bed until the snooze had gone off four times on his alarm.

Today was proving the exception to the rule. Despite having woken up twice in the night, as morning dawned Eren was extremely resistant to waking. In a vague, peripheral sense he was aware of movement around him, but each time the warmth returned and let him cocoon back down into it. There was a bone-deep exhaustion weighing him down and it honestly felt so good to sleep, his stunted thoughts could only manage garbled justifications for sleeping a little longer each time his brain began to resurface. Soft touch ran over his skin, jarring him partially awake, but his distressed, muffled groan faded off as whoever was touching him pet over his hair. Yawning deeply, he rubbed sleep-sore eyes against the pillow, stretching his limbs in every direction.

A low chuckle vibrated through his awareness, something soft pressing against the back of his neck before breath tickled the skin there. “Poor thing, we really wore you out, didn’t we?”

Another voice, somewhere away from the bed but amused and sardonic as it called, “Wake up, brat, before it’s closer to lunch than breakfast.”

Eyes snapping open, Eren shoved himself up on his elbows, blinking in disoriented confusing around himself. Still naked, still in bed, tangled in the sheets. Erwin, in all his tall blonde glory, was leaning over him and Levi was moving around the room beyond, packing up a few belongings into tote bag.

“I-“ The night before crashed through his brain, the overwhelming enjoyment clashing with the humiliation of Levi having figured him out. And now, oversleeping, it looked like he’d made them run late. Staring at the sheets under his hands, Eren curled into himself slightly. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.“

“Eren, it’s fine.” The warm pressure of a hand on his back, tracing his spine in slow, careful strokes. “We all slept in, and I think we earned it. Don’t blame yourself just because we teased you a little; we didn’t mean it, I promise.”

Uncertain blue-green eyes looked back, over his shoulder, to meet the startlingly kind expression on Erwin’s face. Not fatherly, no, far from it, but gentle and warm all the same. …Fond, if Eren had to name it. The bed dipped as weight was flung into it, the only warning he had before wet heat attached to his neck and teeth clamped down just enough to sting.

“ _Ah!_ ” Recoiling, he stared at Levi, who looked entirely unrepentant. “Fucker, you _bit me_. What the hell?”

“You looked too sad,” was the bland reply, a smug glint in grey eyes and a curl to pretty lips. “I didn’t know what to do and reverted to animal instinct.”

Narrowing his own eyes, he leaned back on his elbows and sneered back at the older man. “Your instinct is to bite sad people? I think your wires are crossed, Levi. Have you considered hormone therapy?”

Chuckling, Erwin leaned over Eren’s shoulder, pinning him between the two men again as the blonde kissed his husband. It was chaste, at first, before suddenly Eren had a front-view seat to Levi’s head tipping back, fingers on his jaw before they sucked at each other’s lips, slow and torrid and absolutely fucking unfair. Choking on the whimper stuck in his throat, Eren flushed red and turned to stare at the wall. As comfortable as they obviously were with him, wasn’t this the kind of thing he really shouldn’t be watching?

Apparently not, he realized as Levi’s hand reached and tugged his chin back around. He looked flushed, entirely too pleased with himself as Erwin kissed a trail down his neck. Eyes warm, he teased, “What, don’t like the show this time?”

Easy, thoughtless to lean down and nip at the fingertips on his face, pulling two of the digits into his mouth to suck on. Only when he could see the rapid expansion of dark pupils in those pretty grey eyes did he release the man’s hand. Despite the cocky action, though, he was honest as he shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t mind it, but I don’t know how much is a show and how much is you guys just… being together. I don’t want to overstep what I’m allowed here.”

Sucking a mark onto the side of Levi’s neck, having tugged his shirt down enough to do so, Erwin hummed. The red of his mouth was as distracting as the sly smile curving them. Manipulative, cunning- Erwin was often quiet when Levi spoke, Eren had noticed, but he was never surprised or displeased with the results. Another way they worked together, he supposed, the sense he had of their personalities growing a little deeper.

“Eren,” the blonde rasped, jolting him out of his thoughts. “What is it that you think you’re here for?” The question wasn’t barbed or cruel, as near as he could tell; the tone soft, the words curious.

Swallowing, he opened his mouth, and then paused. They were still on the bed, Eren naked under tangled sheets, the others half-dressed and curled together over his legs, both sets of light blue and steel grey eyes pinned on his face. There was no feeling of pressure, despite being stared at, because he was… comfortable. Uncertain of his boundaries, but at ease with the situation, willing to accept where he was and who with. _What do I think I’m here for?_ Not just a quick fuck, if Levi wasn’t willing to let him sneak out in the night. Flirtation, the offer of breakfast, soft-edged smiles turned towards him. He didn’t know the answer, but he thought, maybe, it was a good one nevertheless. Licking his lips, uncertain, he looked between them. “I…wanted to be here, and you asked. So I guess I’m here for… for whatever you’re willing to give.”

Quiet, approving glances, first at him, then each other. A light grin as Levi purred in his husband’s ear, “I told you he was perfect,” to which Erwin only hummed in seeming agreement. And then hands tugged Eren forward, into a tangle of limbs as the sheets fell away completely and warm, slick mouths were tracing over his skin, tracing the bruises and bite-marks of the night before. Apparently breakfast could wait.

Or so Eren thought until his stomach growled loudly enough to drown out the way he’d been panting out their names. Turning red, he buried his face in his hands, unable to stop laughing at both men stopped to stare at him. “Oh my god- _hahaha!_ ”

“Fuckin’ brat,” Levi grumbled, but there was a note of amusement in his voice as he left the hickey he’d been sucking on Eren’s hip in favor of hunting for his shoes. “Get dressed, we’re getting food before you implode from sheer emptiness.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re the one that got impatient, asshole, don’t get mad at me.” It was… oddly nice, the way he fell into bickering with Levi, Erwin’s warm blue eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughed at them. Bizarre, comfortable the way he couldn’t remember being with any but his closest friends, but really… really nice. Wiggling into the snug grey jeans from the night before, Eren grimaced as he had to readjust the partial erection they’d given him into the pants without even the give of underwear to soften it.

“Oh, I’m impatient,” Levi groused, one hand trailing shamelessly over the bulge at Eren’s crotch as they passed each other, looking for shoes.

Sucking in a breath at the light brush over sensitive flesh, Eren growled, dropped his shirt and turned to bite at the back of Levi’s neck without apology. He wasn’t expecting the other man to yelp and flail violently, one elbow slamming back into Eren’s nose with the precision of honed survival instinct.

Stumbling back, he held his face and blinked rapidly as pain began throbbing through his head. From the startled silence in the room, he had the feeling he wasn’t the only one unsure of what to do. Erwin’s face was tight, watchful; Levi’s openly stunned and apprehensive, Eren thought, as if he didn’t know what to say.

Feeling blood drip between his fingers, Eren groaned and tilted his head back, feeling the ridge of bone with his fingertips. Voice wet and clogged, he groused irritably, “Levi… I think you broke my nose.”

“I… shit. Fuck, I’m sorry, kid. I’m not used to… uh….“ Failing to sort his words out, Levi made a noise better suited to a frustrated cat and stomped into the bathroom, door slamming behind him.

The room felt tense and uncertain still, wound tightly with an uncertainty in the air. Eren kept his own counsel as he carefully felt out the break in his nose, until Erwin finally sighed heavily. “I apologize. We didn’t think to warn you, but Levi has some very finely-tuned reflexes and while we both like you, he’s still not used to you yet. Not enough to turn off the automatic response, at least.”

“Yeah, I kinda noticed that.” As grouchy as his voice sounded, Eren wasn’t actually upset beyond the irritability caused by pain. The slight wince on Erwin’s face made him flush guiltily. “Hey, it’s okay, I get it. I got in a lot of fights when I was a kid, I know how it feels to lash out without thinking.” There was blood dripping down his chest, and the thought crossed his mind to look for a tissue, but he focused on Erwin first, trying to impress sincerity through the admittedly nasal, stuffy quality to his voice. “M’not mad, it just hurts a lot. I’ll be fine, I’ve broken it before.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell, it seemed perfectly straight to me.” Standing, Erwin made his way over, plucking Kleenex from the tissue box and pausing a few feet away. “May I?”

No one had bothered wiping up his bloody noses since his mom had been alive. Biting his lip and tasting metal, Eren nodded hesitantly, letting his hands lower as Erwin came forward. One large hand cupped the back of his neck, strong but gentle, and the other began dabbing at the wet streaks of red that still dripped sluggishly down his chin. The movements were practiced, though tentative, and a steady warmth could be felt from the bigger man’s body as he leaned over Eren to better see the damage. The younger man found himself slowly relaxing, enough to murmur through iron-and-salt –tasting lips, “I always heal really fast. Never seem to scar, either. I guess that’s why.”

“Mm. That’s handy, then, if you get in trouble often.” There was a kind tilt to the corners of Erwin’s mouth, subtly amused but still contained, remarkably poised. It was calming, reassuring in a way Eren didn’t know how to name, precisely. Despite being prone to losing his temper or getting riled up easily, the comment didn’t make Eren do anything but chuckle, one shoulder lifting in a shrug.

“Not really that often, not anymore. I was pretty bad for a while, but… well, you either get yourself killed or make it halfway there and realize it’s time to stop, you know?” He didn’t think about it that often anymore, with as much as he usually had on his mind. He’d been so very angry- still was, simmering in the back of his head, buried under the need to repay debts that his dad had fucking _hidden from him_ -

“You look like you wanna murder somebody,” muttered a familiar, sardonic voice; only looking down at Levi’s face showed the hesitant caution as the other man leaned against Erwin. “Is it me?”

Blinking, Eren shook his head a little, wincing as he bumped his own nose into the blonde’s fingers. “Nah. Just, uh… bad memories. I’m not mad, Levi. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, and I’d already figured you as a fighter, so I should have known better. Sorry.” Whatever reaction he was expecting, it wasn’t stunned silence. For a long moment, Levi just stared at him blankly, until he shifted on his feet and finally grumbled, “What?”

“I can’t believe you, is all.” Words carefully spaced, almost uncertain despite the lack of expression,  Levi shook his head at the wad of white cloth in his hand. “Kid, I just broke your fucking nose just because you tried to play with me. Why in the ever-loving shit are _you_ apologizing?” The cloth proved to be a damp hotel towel, employed as Levi ducked under his husband’s arms and proceeded to scrub the drying trails of blood off Eren’s chest and stomach with ferocious intent.

Eren wasn’t sure how many 20-year-olds ended up spending the night with a pair of married older men, but he really doubted too many of them ever dealt with a tall blonde bombshell shoving tissues at their nose until it stopped bleeding, with a black-haired head popping up between his arms as the short, grumpy, no less gorgeous male fussing over the spilled blood like it personally offended him. All while Eren stood shirtless in a fancy hotel room, covered in hickies no less.

Holding back laughter, Eren huffed and let them both mommy him until they were satisfied. As surreal as it was, he didn’t have any surprise left when they each finished their work with a tender gesture, a stroke of gentle fingers across his throat from Erwin and an abashed, brief peck on the bridge of his nose from Levi- after the shorter man had yanked him down by the chin to finish cleaning his face first, of course. The warmth building his chest was immediate and overwhelming, the kind that made him both giddy and terrified for lack of knowing how to handle it. He wasn’t in any position to have tangled emotions about two men who were happily married and, more to the point, that he probably wouldn’t see again after today.

Dropping his eyes, Eren mumbled thanks to each of them and excused himself to the bathroom, needing the privacy of a closed door for a few minutes to gather his thoughts. The room was sterile, the smell clean and bland the way empty places usually were, helping him clear the traces of warm skin and woodsy, spicy cologne clinging in his nose.

It wasn’t until he’d emptied his bladder and started using one of the plastic-wrapped disposable toothbrushes offered by the hotel that he bothered looking in the mirror, reminded when he did that he’d left his shirt in the other room. With only dark grey jeans riding low on his hips and love bites all over his body, he looked completely debauched. Again, nothing new from his recent lifestyle, but for once it didn’t feel like something to be ashamed of.

Still scrubbing at his teeth and with nothing better to do, Eren took a good look at himself for the first time in … months, really. He’d lost some weight, which was to be expected after eating on such a tight budget; the boyish softness was gone, leaving a lot of sinew and bone on display, though he hadn’t reached ‘underfed’ yet. He still had firm, lean muscle and slender contours, nice-looking but nothing particularly amazing in his own opinion. Even being taller than Levi, the man probably had a good ten pounds on him, as solidly muscular as he was. Eren was in good shape, but permanently stuck with a willowy body type, it seemed. Still, he knew he was attractive, at least. Most people assumed his honey-toned skin was a nice tan, but it was even across his entire body, showing his mom’s partial Native heritage. It contrasted sharply with the odd green-blue eyes he’d gotten from German grandparents, which he supposed could be striking but he still thought looked weird; he wished he’d gotten his mother’s warm amber-brown instead.

His hair was healthy, so dark a brown it was almost black, and he needed another cut, because it was almost halfway down his neck in a couple places. He was shit at doing it himself and he couldn’t really afford a pro, but his looks decided his income right now. Maybe he could ask a friend to do it, if they had the time.

Speaking of time, he’d probably been dawdling in here too long. Spitting and rinsing his mouth, Eren took a long, slow breath, trying to put a shield of objectivity around his brain before leaving the bathroom. He couldn’t afford to get attached- except, well, he already had, he was fond as hell of these two assholes. Alright, he’d had crushes before, he knew how this went. He just had to remember that they were well-off businessmen in a happy relationship and he was an unemployed kid barely out of his teens with only his body to earn a living until he found an actual job, and not get stupid ideas.

The unlatch of the door seemed overly loud as he slipped back out into the room, heading straight for his shirt and bending to scoop it up. The others were ready, waiting quietly near the door for him to tug his shoes on, and it wasn’t until they’d cleared the room of belongings and were heading towards the elevator that Eren really thought about how he must look. His clothes were nice enough, despite Levi’s ‘hooker jeans’ comment, but they were snug and flattering in a way that was a lot more appropriate for a bar or club than a late breakfast date, especially next to two men as well-dressed as they were; a fact the mirrored walls in the elevator only emphasized to his uncertain glances.

“Uh…” Swallowing nervously as they both turned to look at him, Eren bit his lip. “I don’t really… uh, I’m not really dressed for…”

Fingers tickling under the back of his shirt made him jerk, voice cutting off on a sharp yelp. Levi dug in his fingertips, scraping little lines over the back of Eren’s hipbone as they continued waiting to reach the ground floor. Still facing forward, the older man drawled quietly, “Do you honestly think that we’re those kinds of people? This isn’t going to be some re-run of _Pretty Woman_ , brat, we’re just going out for breakfast. It’s the weekend, in case you didn’t notice, you can wear what you want and no one's got the right to judge.”

“Levi, you’re not very comforting,” rumbled Erwin quietly, with a smirk tugging up his lips at his husband’s resulting snort. “He does have a point, though, Eren. Neither of us are particularly concerned with appearances, and I think you look quite nice. If you’re concerned, however, Levi and I can stop by the apartment that was obtained for us here and change into more casual wear before we find a place to eat.”

Flushing, Eren rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s really not what I meant. Sorry… I know I’m really twitchy right now, I just don’t really know how to handle a morning-after that doesn’t involve me being kicked out on my ass.”

Used to being reprimanded by Levi already, Eren wasn’t expecting the slide of cunning blue eyes or the cool smirk on Erwin’s face. “Then perhaps you should learn to, considering that you’re certainly worth more than that.”

Blinking, the brunette could only stare as he tried to absorb the statement. A sense of alarm was tugging at his guts, basic animal instinct recognizing when someone knew a hell of a lot more than they were saying; then again, the message had been a kind one, even if oddly expressed. The use of the words ‘worth more’ had an uncomfortable relevance to the way Eren had asked not to be paid for the night, a conversation Erwin had been quiet but possibly awake for. Then again, if that was no surprise, then why the kind gestures, the gentle words and forgiving smiles?

Eren was used to keeping secrets but at this point it seemed they’d been tugged away from him without any of the drama the issue seemed to deserve. Did they… seriously just _not care_? It seemed unreal, but both of them had hooked their hands into the belt loops at the back of his jeans, a light pressure that gently herded him forward, ignoring the glances that the action earned in the hotel lobby and heading calmly out into the parking lot.

Still pondering the idea, Eren slid into the backseat of the car again, this time with both Levi and Erwin in the front. Despite the heavy thinking he was caught in, he found himself smiling as he watched the two older men exchange little snipes and barbs over where the car keys were, how closely they’d come to missing the check-out time, which would have resulted in paying another day for the room; even little digs about who’d forgotten what during the long drive the day before. Levi had a mean little sneer on his face, Erwin a smug, bland smirk, and both of them honestly looked so stupidly happy that it made Eren want to laugh, giddy and silly. They were ridiculous in the best way, the way his parents hadn't even managed to be. He was still completely confused, very much off-balance with where he stood, but he was really, honestly glad he’d met them.

Breakfast ended up being three to-go bags from a better-quality fast food joint that they ate out of after Erwin pulled the car up to a quiet spot near the river that fed into the lake, after asking Eren for directions to a ‘quiet, scenic little spot.’

Sitting on the guard wall in front of the car, Levi cross-legged on the hood of the car and Erwin choosing to settle on a low hub of concrete nearby, Eren munched his breakfast sandwich and felt remarkably at peace.

“It’s actually pretty nice here,” Levi mused, grey eyes unfocused as he looked at the water below them.

“You sound surprised.” Eren chuckled, shaking his head. “I get the impression you guys are from a bigger city, and it’s no New York, but it’s a nice place here.”

Erwin played with his drink straw, glancing up at the brunette. “Mm. It seems to have raised you well enough, at least. You did say you were from this area, right?”

“Yeah, born and raised. I left for a while, for school, but that didn’t exactly work out.” Eren bit into his sandwich again, a little harder this time.

“Didn’t suit you?” Levi guessed, one brow cocked upwards.

“No, I liked it, though I didn’t have a specific major in mind. I just, um.” It was funny how trusting his body to strangers was easier than spilling over simple facts about his life. Even still, they’d taken a hell of a lot on his word alone, and Eren… he wanted to trust them with this, he realized. “It’s kind of a long story, but if you want to hear it…”

“By all means, if you’re willing to tell it,” Erwin murmured quietly, eyes sky-blue and still impossibly kind.

Eren swallowed, nodded almost to himself, and picked at the seam of his jeans. “My, ah. My mom died of cancer when I was a kid, and my dad didn’t tell anyone how bad the bills were for the hospice and funeral. I never knew there was a problem, until he… he, uh, took off a few months ago and I suddenly got a bunch of bills forwarded to my dorm, with six-figure collections notices and past-due dates going back into my teens. He’s been ignoring them, and defaulting on the payments, for almost a decade.” Eyes on the tree line, Eren shrugged with a calm he didn’t feel, other hand digging his nails into the concrete beneath him. “With him being MIA, legally they’re my problem now, so I quit school and came home to look for a permanent job. The house got repossessed and I pawned off what I could, played a lot of phone tag until some payment plans were made. They’re happy enough someone’s trying to pay that they’re working with me as much as possible, so.”

He didn’t know what he was expecting, but Levi was painfully blunt as always, sitting with his lunch forgotten and his eyes narrow and hard. “Jesus Christ. Your dad is a douchebag.”

Maybe blunt was nice, for a change, instead of the delicate pussy-footing most of his dad’s acquaintances did around him these days. Eren smiled, and it showed too many teeth to be a good expression. “Yeah, you know, he really is.”

Expression still carefully neutral, Erwin asked, “Are you able to make ends meet?”

“Just barely. I’m looking for a better job, I, uh… don’t like the one I have.” And Eren was back to staring at the crinkle of colored wax paper in his lap, wishing he had less of a pathetic story to tell. Wishing, as futile as it was, that he wasn’t so far over his head. The brush of a hand on his leg, slow and reassuring, made his jaw tighten; he didn’t dare look up from his meal. Erwin’s hand made easy circles on his leg, Levi the one that spoke next.

“Do you have anyone helping you with this? It’s too much for one person to have to deal with, legality be damned.”

“My sister sends what she can, and she pays a couple of my bills for me right now. She’s running a business upstate right now, though, and it doesn’t make any sense for her to quit and come down here.” Not that she hadn’t tried, but Eren had fought her tooth and nail over it. Mikasa worked too hard, for too damned long, to give up her dojo. Eren had cheered her on for years as she overcame the sexist attitudes in the MMA fighting leagues, and had earned the respect and reputation to open her own studio through long trials of blood, sweat and tears. She had regular customers now, a lease, a freaking _waiting list_ for most of her classes. There was no way in hell Eren could let her give that up, so he’d made things out to be… a lot better than they were, until she agreed to helping long-distance.

If she saw what Eren was doing to himself, she’d probably kill him, if the shame didn’t finish him off first.

He wasn’t good at hiding what he was thinking from these two, it seemed. Watching him through shrewd, knowing eyes, Levi sighed. “And it makes more sense for you to sacrifice yourself? That’s really not helpful to your cause, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” He’d been in knots long enough that it was a relief to just… say it. Breathing in and out, slow and careful, Eren looked at them both and let all pretense drop. “But I’d rather it was me than anyone else. She’s lost enough and I’m not going to make someone else solve my problems. It… it doesn’t matter if it’s pleasant, as long as it works. I don’t need to be happy.”

It was the wrong thing to say, and he knew that as he said it, but he wasn’t expecting the way Erwin’s hand tightened on his ankle, Levi curling his hands into fists. They didn’t argue, didn’t scold him for his choice. In fact, they looked at each other, something unspoken and painful on both of their faces. Heaving a sigh, Eren scrubbed a hand over his hair, tucking the remainder of his food back into the bag. “I’m sorry. This isn’t really nice breakfast chit-chat. I guess I’m rusty at socializing.”

With a small shake of his head, Erwin broke the staring contest first, looking back up at Eren with weary blue eyes. “You’re fine, Eren. We asked, and you trusted us with the truth. It wouldn’t make sense to be angry at you for that.”

“Sense or not, most people would anyways,” he rasped quietly, studying the upturned face for signs of dishonesty, finding only a strained version of the same earnest kindness he’d felt while having his nose swabbed earlier.

“Eren.” Sliding forward, Levi demanded his attention again, boots tapping against his knees when he didn’t look up quickly enough. Somber, he seemed about to say something… well, unpleasant, but at the last moment sighed heavily and offered instead, “How about you show us around the city a bit, huh? There’s gotta be more than just this big-ass pond.”

Blinking, Eren considered the offer before shrugging, mouth quirking a little at the incredibly obvious change of topic. “Yeah, I can do that. We can make it a sight-seeing morning.”

“Sounds like a nice time, and it’ll give me an excuse to memorize the new road system.” Erwin stood slowly, stretching out his limbs until faint pops could be heard.

“Listen to you, creaking like an old man,” Levi murmured, eyes warm and fond despite the jab.

Erwin narrowed his eyes. “Hardly an _old man_ , dear. Need I make a vulgar reference to our activities last night to remind you?”

Chuckling, Eren hopped off the stone wall, joining the banter with a thoughtless comment of, “Well, if he doesn’t remember, I certainly do.”

Levi huffed, pretending to sulk while Erwin laughed, and the warmth Eren kept warning himself against fluttered a little stronger under his rib cage. Even still, curiosity had him asking as they climbed back into the car, “Does Levi not drive or something?”

Unknowingly, of course, setting off the third World War as they began cruising back towards the freeway. 

“I can drive perfectly well, but Erwin-“

“He’s a maniac and can’t be trusted with anything wheeled,” the blonde muttered, jaw tighter than Eren had seen it before.

Levi snarled, arms crossed over his chest. “Goddamn it, Erwin, just because I wrecked one time.”

Something outright dangerous glinted in those pale blue eyes. “You wrapped a motorcycle around a tree and broke your arm in three places. It’s a miracle you’re even _alive_.”

“Yeah, thanks, I remember. That was _two years ago_ ,” Levi growled in response.

“Then maybe you remember that you scared about a decade off my lifespan, which is why you’re still grounded. He doesn’t drive, Eren, unless there is literally no other recourse and by that I mean I had better be bleeding out before he’s allowed to grab the keys.” Despite the playful tone, there was something vulnerable in the way Erwin’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, the flush of guilt on Levi’s face as he looked away to stare out the window at the passing buildings without making another argument.

It was an old bruise that still hadn’t healed, and both of them were uncomfortably quiet for long moments after the conversation died off. Watching them both, Eren considered the new information, adding it to what he already knew and letting his brain mull over the conclusions. Levi seemed like he was the edgy, dangerous one, dressed like he was about to assassinate someone and idea of him straddling a motorcycle wasn’t the least bit far-fetched. Despite how well they complimented each other, Erwin was clearly a person who needed a measure of control in his life, every small mannerism and carefully chosen phrase emphasizing it. Even the more vulnerable moments he’d displayed in front of Eren had been on his terms, and that had to be important to him. Having the man he loved almost die in a completely uncontrolled event had probably been a really huge blow.

And considering that Levi was not only a legal adult but also seemed the type to disregard any limitation placed on him, there was a lot more going on, a lot of unresolved damage if he was accepting the decree so quietly, despite his briefly voiced discontent.

After letting the quiet drag on enough that they were both a little calmer, Eren gently and with a light tone began explaining some of the cultural history of this or that part of town, pointing out good places to eat when they passed by. It was casual, as if he hadn’t noticed the vulnerable patch in the couple’s smooth dynamic, but in reality he wanted to try and bring the smiles back to their faces. He’d taken enough basic psych courses to know that, right now, they could use the positive rush of chemicals from something happy to focus on.

It had mixed results, honestly, but he’d managed to prod a few smirks and snide comments from Levi over time, and Erwin’s hands had relaxed a little bit from their death grip on the steering wheel. By the time afternoon rolled around, though, Eren felt sticky and gross from the sweat gathering on his skin from the heat of the summer sun. He tried ignoring it for a little while, honestly not wanting to call an end to what had been an amazing experience, but it was already June and he was going to start to smell soon.

And if he was already so attached that he ached to say goodbye, then all the more reason to cut things off and separate himself. As much as he liked them both, neither of these people belonged to him and he was developing an awful tendency of forgetting that.

It only took a few words of needing to get cleaned up and Erwin asked direction to his address, neither half of the couple seeming nearly as reluctant as Eren, anyways. Leg jittering, face turned towards the window, he told himself he wasn’t disappointed and ignored the evidence otherwise. His apartment building came into view, basic but clean and in a decent enough neighborhood for being a one-room flat. Hand on the door handle, he bit at his lips, trying to think of what to say. “I, uh. This was… really nice. Thank you,” he finally mumbled, knowing it didn’t get much more generic but at a loss for what else to say. _Thanks for making me feel human again?_ Accurate but more than he could bring himself to say out loud. _I’m glad you guys aren’t mad that I’m a prostitute_? Wow, yeah, no.

Blowing out a breath, Eren pushed at the door latch and swung his feet out onto the asphalt of the parking lot.

“Hey, brat!” Levi’s voice, calling through the window.

Bending down, Eren peered in, only to be confronted by an open hand. “…What?”

A narrow-eyed glare, before Levi smirked. “I still need to put our numbers in your phone. Little shit, what, did you think you were gonna just vanish on us or something?”

Huffing, Eren shook his head, staring at the ground to avoid smiling like an idiot. “Yeah, yeah, bitch bitch bitch. You’re the one that forgot until now, what are you yelling at me for?” Handing his phone over, he leaned against the car, watching Levi type efficiently as he added two new contacts and, before Eren could say otherwise, sent a text to one of them. A moment later a low chime filled the car and the black-haired man smirked.

“There, got you now.” The phone was handed back over and Eren rolled his eyes, trying and failing to hide the stupidly wide grin on his face. Levi just watched him, expression oddly soft, before muttering, “Take care of yourself. We’ll see you around, you know?”

It didn’t feel like a goodbye, even though it should have. Blowing out a breath, Eren nodded, stepping back even as he waved. “See you, then, Levi. Erwin.”

“Have a good day, Eren,” murmured Erwin, eyes knowing, before the sleek black car pulled smoothly out of the parking lot.

Watching them go, Eren leaned back against the brick wall and wondered how it was that he could miss so fiercely what he’d only had for a few hours.


	3. Until We Bleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not always a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potentially triggering events in this chapter. Warnings have been added to the tags above and while the situation is kept vague, if you have a hard time with abusive situations please be careful. I don't want anyone getting hurt reading this.
> 
> More angst ahead, but we're working towards the good parts, little by little. Thank you all, once again, for the amazing feedback.

If he let himself think about it too long, he’d wallow, weighed down under the conflicting thoughts and nagging emotions until he couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but stare blankly and shudder. Eren knew this because he’d done it before, when his mom died; had done it again when he’d been sitting on his college dorm room floor, surrounded by envelopes and bills he had no idea to how to pay. Shock had always hit him hard, striking him motionless until anger burned off his shackles and sent him bolting forward.

He couldn’t afford that kind of time lost right now, so he put himself in motion before it could hit him. Jogging up the stairs, he pushed through the wobbly ache of his muscles until they hardened, used to the amount of stress he put them through by now. Inside his apartment he tossed his clothes in the direction of the hamper, stumbling into the shower without bothering to wait for the water to heat up. The chill made him shudder, but it got his blood pumping faster and he didn’t let it get past lukewarm as he scrubbed the sweat off his skin and washed his hair. Wet and slicked down, it reached all the way down the back of his neck, making him grumble. Out of the shower, brisk toweling off and he threw on boxers, cargo shorts and a collared t-shirt, rummaging through a bunch of drawers before finding a hair tie to scoop the loose strands back in. Appearances mattered and he needed all the help he could get at this point.

It wasn’t as if he looked like some kind of crime lord, but Eren knew he wasn’t exactly clean-cut employee material. He’d removed the few piercings he had back when this had started, letting them heal over, and the tattoo he’d been designing and planning for the last few years hadn’t made its way onto his skin yet, but he still carried himself like a fighter and he didn’t know how to change that. It was why he recognized it in Levi so easily. A person didn’t spend years bloodying themselves on other people’s fists and then forget what it felt like, what it looked like, how to size up an opponent for how much damage they’d do before you could put them down. Eren still looked at people like they were threats when he was distracted enough to forgot to smile and be nice, and most potential employers were a bit put off by that.

As his coffee machine bubbled and his leftover breakfast warmed in the microwave, Eren flexed his hands, watching the skin flex over the bones of his knuckles that by all rights should have been riddled with scar tissue. Impact scars, tears, cuts, one memorable occasion when punching someone hard enough that he’d broken his hand and pushed the bone through his skin. But no. Every time, no matter what he’d done to himself, he’d healed flawlessly. He grew a hell of a reputation in the darker corners of the city, and it had become normal to hear himself referred to- rightly so- as a monster.

In Eren’s opinion, the only thing truly monstrous about it was that he could so easily heal his body after his mother had wasted away, unable to combat the disease eating her from the inside. It wasn’t fair, blinding him with the sick irony. Why should he be so able to repair himself, so immune to sickness or long-term damage, while she had been fragile and defenseless? Why couldn’t he have given some of this back to her and kept her alive?

The beep of the microwave made him jolt, fingers tightening into a fist as he shuddered through the adrenaline spike. Shit. If he was zoning out this easily, he really needed to pull himself together. Levi had been right, unintentionally or not; he was a fucking mess.

Well, whatever. Mess or not, he could still work, he just needed to get the job first. Food in his mouth, coffee doctored and poured into a tight-capped bottle that would serve as a thermos well enough, Eren snagged his messenger bag off the coffee table. He checked where his wallet and resumes were inside it, grabbed his keys out of last night’s jeans and trotted out of the apartment after locking the door behind him. It was habit to jog down the stairs, letting his muscles warm up for all the walking ahead of him. Fortunately, he didn't live too far down the street from the central downtown area. Enough businesses were open on Saturdays that it was still worth going out to check, and there were still a few places he hadn’t gotten a resume in to yet. Eren also had two pages in his notebook of reminders for applications to check up on; he’d be busy for a while.

Hours passed; his coffee emptied eventually and he rinsed and refilled it with water from a public fountain. It was grueling work, but he kept at it, and the endorphins from jogging from place to place made it easier to smile and try to make a good impression. A few places gave him sympathetic looks as soon as he came in the door, the lower employees knowing him by sight but with no updates from their superiors. It wasn’t the greatest feeling, but he stopped and chatted with a couple of them, catching up with a few he’d known from high school.

Sasha was manning the counter at a local coffee shop, ponytail pulled through the back of her visor. Eren stopped by more often than not, even if they didn’t have any positions open; a friend from school, she always managed to make him laugh with her bright eyes and enthusiasm. Before he left, she pushed a sample cup of chocolate-covered coffee beans at him ‘for his dedications’ and gave him a completely serious military salute, which Eren could do no less than return, a grin tugging at his mouth the entire while. It wasn’t a fix for his problems, but moments like that made it a little easier to go on with a lighter step and a positive attitude.

The burst of energy lasted him for a few more applications, but by the time Eren stumbled back to his apartment, legs shaking from exertion and skin hot from the sun, it had well and truly faded away. No good news, and a few places crossed off the list from having picked someone else. It wasn’t any big surprise, no different from what he’d been dealing with every day for months now. In a way, that made it harder to swallow, knowing just how futile his efforts had been so far. He was doing everything he could and somehow it just wasn’t enough. Which left him, as always, with only one other option.

He got himself ready, not much different than the night before. Snug jeans that hugged his hips and thighs, a light shirt that pulled across his torso the right way but wasn’t tastelessly glued to his skin. He’d learned quickly that things like loose jewelry just made it harder to stay clean and efficient about it, so Eren didn’t ornament himself with anything but a little cologne and a simple cord necklace around the base of his throat, something that drew attention to his neckline. It was one of his finer selling points, he’d found, so he played it up a bit.

He didn’t want to do it, lingered in his apartment for long minutes staring at his desk and the bundle of paperwork and detailed budget plans scribbled out into a planner. It was just money, nothing else; literally a business transaction. It would be so much easier to remember that if he hadn’t slipped up and reminded himself what it felt like to be touched and spoken to like a lover. His hesitation wouldn’t pay his bills, though, would they?

He left, and pushed the clawing misery to the back of his mind to lock behind soundproof walls.

-

It was a lucrative night, all things considered. He’d managed to get three different jobs, so to speak, and two of them went off without a hitch. Customer number one was a bored, sly woman with too much lipstick and long, sharp nails that left grooves on his back, stinging mildly under his shirt long after they parted ways;  he held nothing against her except the cloying way her perfume had filled his nose, making it hard to focus on keeping her satisfied. She hadn’t been shy about giving instructions, at least, and he was good at following orders if they didn’t go against his set of rules. She’d been clearly pleased with the transaction after, mentioning she might look for him again another time. Repeat customers were a good thing, so he just smiled lightly and moved on.

Number two was an easily flustered man who didn’t have the nerve to take their transaction anywhere private and instead overpaid Eren to suck him off in the bathrooms, nodding agreement to the rules before Eren could finish saying them and stammering on his own questions. First time buyer, Eren guessed, and tried to be as gentle about it as he could despite the sick feeling in his guts. It wasn’t this guy’s fault that he hated his job; hell, mister fluster was one of the nicer ones, too afraid of looking in Eren’s eyes to give him any derogatory looks and impressed enough by his skill to tip him an extra twenty dollars with shaking hands.

If only all customers were that well behaved.

Really, he’d taken in enough for the night that he could have called it good, but guilt and anxiety were still brewing in sick, noxious bubbles under his rib cage, reminding him of his previous slip-up, of how much he’d longed to stay in a bed that wasn’t his with two men he’d chosen for lust, not money. He had to make up the lost profit from his ‘free night,’ as it were, and that was why he kept going instead of walking home. It was his habit to cycle between several bars downtown between jobs, in case his previous ‘client’ had decided to return and also to ensure he had the best chances of picking up buyers. Each ranged in terms of class and clientele, and he shifted his behavior accordingly; the one he headed to now was barely more than a glorified watering hole, and he didn’t pick up the most appealing people there, but no one in Sal’s ever even blinked when he brought up his prices and after a long night like this, he needed simplicity.

Customer number three drifted in minutes after Eren claimed a seat, while he was ordering his usual mild beer to sip while scoping the room. Handsome in a bland, washed-out sort of way, dressed pretty well but with his collar turned up; a married man, probably, slumming it to avoid getting caught astray. Eren didn’t care if they were married, most of the time; the memory called up in his mind of sharp eyes and soft smiles he pushed aside. It wasn’t going to help him any to start drawing conclusions about marriages based off one encounter, was it? Besides which, nothing had changed from the night before- Eren was still a 20-year-old with no serious relationship history or prospects for changing that. Whatever other people did with their commitments wasn’t his business. And on that note, when the harried husband paid for his drink and started chatting him up, Eren responded and within twenty minutes he was heading out to the man’s car.

He’d gotten good at making his rules nice and simple, prices included. There was no excuse for a misunderstanding when the guy tried to pay him extra to forget the condom, and there was no ambiguity about Eren’s answer to that offer, which was a resounding and sharp-tongued, _“No fucking way.”_ The man gave in, only to harp on the price difference between services; by the time Eren was done knocking aside his attempts to haggle, a strong urge to just get out of the car and walk away was tugging in his guts. He very nearly did, but the man had finally settled and counted out the agreed amount, putting it in the cup holder until it’d be needed. Or rather, until Eren earned it. It was yet another blow to his pride amidst many and he had to remind himself that he couldn’t expect better every time. This was his life right now, bartering how much his body and skills were worth in dirty little back alleys behind bars that no one went into without some measure of hopelessness or mischief in mind.

Eyes shuttered, jaw tight, Eren stripped and got to work.

The hands on his hips felt wrong, too soft and lacking the callouses he’d grown fond of. His body still ached subtly from being recently used, but he grit his teeth through it and put on a show, riding the man’s dick as intently as he could manage while also trying not to slam his head into the back seat windows. He was good at what he did, and it didn’t take too terribly long to get the job done. The man wheezed and babbled his way through climax and Eren was grateful in a way that had more to do with desperation than happiness when the other man slipped free of his body. Pushing away the feeble, half-assed attempts to get him off, Eren merely worked himself back into his clothes and reached for his payment.

And then hands had locked around his neck, bruising in their grip as he was slammed back against the car door, hard enough to hit his head anyways. The man he’d written off as a spineless salary worker began to calmly babble about sin and harlots and street filth in a voice that made Eren want to vomit. He knew the risks, had heard the statistics, but facing it this close, feeling the intent to harm rolling off a man that had been fucking him a second ago… Eren froze, stunned as he grappled with the hands on his throat. Adrenaline spiked, heart slamming into his ribs and fear twisting with anger as pure survival took him over. He fought, struggled to keep the grip on his neck from getting tight enough to stop his breath. Hatred bubbled up through his body, fire and fury that burned him in equal measure for being willing to have put himself in this position. Breaking the hold on his neck with difficulty- pasty asshole was stronger than he looked- Eren leaned back and then head-butted the asshole as hard as he could, glorying in the loud crack and the yells of pain resulting afterwards. Ironically, he knew from recent experience how bad a broken nose could hurt, and took pleasure adding a few knuckles to the abused feature as soon as the man’s hands dropped.

Eren grabbed his well-earned money and was out of the car and walking before the other stopped wailing about his face and what had been done to it. The temptation to stay and beat the man into a pulp was heavy in his blood, conflicting with the jagged spikes of panic in his stomach, but Eren knew it was better to escape. There wasn’t any point calling the cops; prostitution might be legal in this state but that didn’t mean the people working sex trades didn’t get swept under the rug and ignored when their jobs got them hurt. He’d get in more trouble for retaliating than the bastard would for choking him in the first place.

He walked fast, shoulders tight and head up, a clear threat in his posture that screamed _I am not prey, attack me if you dare_. No one did. Even in shadier parts of the downtown area, most people either remembered the kind of trouble Eren had stirred up as a kid or could see from how he carried himself that it wasn’t worth the injuries to try and jump him now. Aggression and anger kept him going until he got home, flung himself up the stairs and behind his door, safe and locked, the awful night officially over with.

Then, and only then, did he allow the emotional damage to hit him. It was brief and messy, a collection of garbled moans and choked-off sobs behind his hands as he curled up on the floor against his front door and shook. A minute later he bolted for the trash can, barely making it in time to heave up the small amount of food he’d taken in since that afternoon. His entire body was shaking, the throb of new bruises too real and frightening to absorb, and Eren wretched and sobbed until every last bit of terrified energy had wrung through his body.

It left him exhausted, barely able to stay upright as he stumbled through a boiling-hot shower and wrapped himself in the comfort of old, ratty flannel pajamas. Despite the season he couldn’t seem to feel warm enough, chills shaking him from a point far too deep to reach with hot water. He was weak and fatigued when he crawled into his bed. Sleep was far too long in coming and fitful when he found it.

As a result, he stayed in bed most of the next morning. Despite being a typically early riser, he curled up beneath the covers and refused to move, cuddled in the comfort of familiar smells and warmth of his blankets and sheets; an animal licking his wounds and hiding away from the world. Eren wasn’t naïve enough to be surprised at what had happened, he knew all too intimately how dangerous people could be and he’d done enough research to know how likely it was for something like this to happen. He’d chosen to do it anyway, because he didn’t have a better choice, and had rationalized it by telling himself he’d been in far more dangerous situations before that he’d thrown himself headlong into. Now that reassurance rang hollow. It was different like this, personal; wrenching in a way that a bloodthirsty mob never managed to be. Give him a fast, messy street fight and he’d come out steady and sneering every single time, riding high on adrenaline and anger. One unbalanced psycho, though, with overflowing words about sin and divine retribution, had managed to fuck up his head to this degree...

Well, no. Even that part hadn’t been what really made it so bad. It was what he’d been doing at the time. Whoring himself out for whatever price he could manage to get, allowing himself to be used for someone else’s pleasure without receiving or even wanting any in return; a situation he loathed already before it had become a threat to his life. Eren felt bruised and shaken, yes, but the physical damage wouldn’t last long. What hurt was the reminder slapping him in the face of what he was worth in the world as he was now. Prostitutes and other skin-trade workers were pushed to the edges of ‘polite’ society and ignored, victimized and preyed upon because no one cared what happened to them. Oh, his family would care, Eren knew that. Mikasa would have to be tied down to keep from getting murder charges landed on her if she knew, and Armin would have a fucking meltdown; but both of his dearest people, both more family to him than the blood relation he had left, were elsewhere and doing great in their lives. Mikasa had her dojo and Armin was getting a bachelor’s degree in applied physics, to move on to a master’s program afterwards. They were soaring and he was desperate not to drag them back down into the gutter with him, leaving him no choice that he was willing to take except not tell them what was going on.

The day passed slowly and no amount of guilt-tripping himself over needing to do his job check-ins could make Eren crawl out of bed. His back hurt, his neck was sore, and he couldn’t find any energy in his body to move. It just wasn’t worth it, when all he had to look forward to was more of the same pasting on a smile while feeling miserable. Also, from his trips to the bathroom, he knew that the bruises on his throat had bloomed gloriously to compliment the fainter tint around his eyes from Levi’s accidental blow; he looked like a druggie or a gang member and trying to get a job like this was more likely to get him thrown out or arrested than anything.

He’d almost dozed off again when his phone chirped somewhere in the apartment. Even as tired as he was, he woke up automatically for the sound; these days he only had messages from his family or a potential job. Blinking, he rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly, hand on his face as he reached off the bed to paw around for his pants and fish for the hard square shape of the phone in them.

He expected a message from Mikasa or Armin, maybe, or an email notification. Instead, with the name _Levi_ across the top of the alert, were the words [ _Want to get dinner tonight?]_

Slowly easing back against the wall behind his bed, Eren stared at the message for a little while. Yeah, he knew that Levi had made sure to snag his number, but being contacted wasn’t something he’d really let himself think about. If anything, he’d assumed it would be based on boredom, when they’d want company again. Surely one day wasn’t long enough to need entertainment again?

Then Eren realized what he was doing and bit his lip, shame washing through him. The message was asking about dinner. Not a quick fuck, not company for the night, and he knew Levi was blunt enough to say so. Even now, even with one of the two people that treated him like a human being while knowing what he did for money, Eren was mentally assigning himself only enough value to keep people entertained in bed for a few hours. If he kept up like this, then he really was going to self-destruct. “Shit,” he muttered, rubbing at his hair even as he swiped the screen open and tapped out a reply.

_[Text: That sounds great, but I’m not feeling very good tonight, I don’t think I’m up to going out. Raincheck?]_

And, nervous as hell, he hit the send button before he could rethink the hopeful tone in the message. Chewing his lip, he watched the screen for a reply, which was not long in coming.

_[Levi: That’s fine. Want us to swing by with food instead?]_

Biting his lip, Eren flushed, uncertain what to do with the pulse of anxious, fluttering happiness trying to take root in his guts. It probably didn’t mean a whole lot, but it was a kind gesture and right now, as fragile as he felt, he thought maybe he needed one.

_[Text: That’d be great, if you don’t mind. Anything is fine.]_

A few moments passed and his phone buzzed in his hand again.

_[Levi: Why the fuck would I mind if I’m the one that asked? Erwin’s got a meeting, so he’ll drop me off and then grab the food and join us after. See you in a bit.]_

Oh. _Oh_. Fuck, he was- they were coming here to eat? Eren knew if he asked them not to that it’d be the end of it, but for some reason he resisted the thought, pushing the blankets off his legs and stumbling through his living room as he tried to look for things needing to be cleaned or straightened up. There wasn’t much, aside from the random piles of clothes here and there. It was all clean laundry that he hadn’t gotten around to putting away, but it looked sloppy. Pressing his lips together, Eren dithered a moment before scooping up an armful from his bedside chair, tossing it in the empty laundry basket and shoving it into his closet. Rinse and repeat until the chair was empty. Eren grabbed a clean set of clothes and closed the door, neatly hiding the evidence of his laziness.

It wasn’t until he went in the bathroom to brush his hair that he was reminded of why he’d declined to go out in public in the first place. He looked like absolute shit. The broken nose was healing at his usual ridiculous pace, nose a little swollen at the bridge but otherwise straight, under-eyes shadowed with faint green-yellow bruises that his skin tone mostly hid. Creative use of some eyeshadow had covered them completely the night before, enough for bar lighting at least. His neck, though, was brighter than ever, two blotchy handprints wrapped around his throat in a blend of blue, violet and yellow streaks; it felt heavy, the memory of choking hands still thick on his skin.

There wasn’t any way to cover them with the small amount of makeup he had on hand, and Eren didn't own a turtleneck or scarf, couldn't wear them convincingly anyways. No hiding it, then. Eren was used to wearing his battle marks with pride, but this one was in a whole other league and he was still chewing his lips as he straightened his hair and got dressed.

He was in his kitchen, washing the odd dishes he’d found here and there, when his phone buzzed again.

_[Levi: I’m downstairs, what number are you?]_

Taking a breath, Eren wiped the soap off his hands, walking towards his front door to switch the locks around as he answered.

_[Text: 205. Door’s open, you can just walk in.]_

Yeah, maybe it was cowardly, making sure Levi could walk in on his own instead of being there to face him as arrived, but at this point he didn’t think he could be blamed for wanting to delay to inevitable reaction just a little longer. He was back up to his elbows in soapy water when he heard the door swing open minutes later, the familiar voice already loud and bitching.

“Christ, it’s hotter than Satan’s asshole in here, kid, why don’t you have the windows cracked open at least?” Levi groused, slipped in and bumping the door shut with his heel. He looked ridiculously good, Eren thought, even in a casual t-shirt and dark leggings that showed off his nicely muscled legs.

To be honest, Eren had forgotten about the windows, having closed down everything in his apartment the night before in a fit of paranoia. Scrubbing at the dried ketchup on one of his plates, Eren shrugged. “Sorry. Go ahead and open them, there’s a fan over there that you can prop up to get the air flowing.”

Levi did, if the clattering sounds and hum of his big box fan whirring to life were any indication. Soft, even footsteps made their way closer and Eren bit his lip again; his chest was tight, with both happy and anxious anticipation. Arms draped themselves casually around his waist, a quieter tone teasing in his ear. “Aw, no hello? I thought we left on a better note than tha-“ And then silence, Levi pausing in the act of propped his chin on Eren's shoulder, within full view of the new marks.

The silence could kill, Eren thought, ducking his head a little as his shoulders unconsciously tightened. “Hands are soapy,” was all he said, a shameful flush winding its way over his face and neck. Wanting to at least offer a bit of the same affection he was being given, he made himself stop, mumbling through the embarrassment, “I’m… I’m still glad you’re here.”

A soft sigh, and his arm was pushed up until the shorter man could duck around his front, Levi's back to the sink and their bodies pressed close. Uncanny grey eyes traced the bruises, fingers gentle as they ran carefully over their edges. There wasn’t surprise on Levis face, only a dreadful sort of understanding and grief that Eren didn’t know what to do with. He didn’t know what to expect from Levi, but it was not this. It made his eyes burn, his chest ache with the desire to be closer even as snugly as the other had fitted himself against him. Looking away, he chewed at his lip again until a gentle tap of fingertips prompted him to stop.

“Hey.” A gentle prompt for his attention, Levi tugging at his chin until Eren finally had the nerve to meet his eyes again. It hurt, something scraping over raw and vulnerable places in his chest, and Eren knew his eyes were wet, knew this was gonna be a repeat of the morning before but couldn’t seem to contain the hurt that was spiraling out through his body.

Levi just watched him, no judgment or impatience on his face, the neutral lines his jaw and brow somehow kind nonetheless. Thumb gently running over the edge of the bruises, he finally said, soft but firm, “I know you have to do this to survive, but don’t put yourself in the hands of people that hurt you. You’re worth a lot more than that.”

Something cracked where it held him together and Eren scoffed lightly, eyes blinking until the wet blur was gone. “I’m worth as much as they buy me for, Levi. You don’t get a lot of character references and job security when you sell yourself in back-alley watering holes.”

Scowling, Levi gripped his face, glaring upwards with more fire than he’d shown so far. “You listen to me, brat, and you mark this in your brain and don’t ever fucking forget it. You are not selling yourself. You’re selling tickets to a performance. What you perform and how you use your body to do so doesn’t change the fact that only you own yourself. Whatever terms you agree to, whatever rules you lay down, you’re still the one calling the shots and you do not have to accept whatever the fuck they do to you.”

Jaw tight enough to hurt, Eren tried to listen, to believe what Levi was saying. He wanted that, the autonomy and safety of locking who he was behind words that protected him, but it didn’t make the bruises hurt less and it didn’t ease the humiliation of the position. Still… it felt like it mattered. Like a line was being drawn in his mind, dividing what he was and what he had to endure. It was helping. Lips trembling, Eren choked out a noise that couldn’t decide whether it was laughter or a dry sob. Hands still wet from dishwater, Eren lifted an arm to ineffectively wipe his eyes on his inner elbow. “Christ. How the hell do you know so much about this, anyway?”

Watching with a calm, settled sort of watchfulness, Levi just smiled, an odd half-tilt to one corner of his mouth. As if it were normal, as if they were like this and always had been, he leaned up on his toes and pressed his lips over the stark lines of Eren’s bruises, kissing the ache and the sting of their shameful placement on his throat. Soft and easy, Levi leaned against him and sighed. It felt like instinct, something natural to let his arms cross over the firm curve of Levi’s spine, and standing like that, Eren felt more than heard the quiet words that came after.

“You’re not the only one that’s been desperate to survive, you know… We both did what we had to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Don't kill me.~~ Next updates will likely be slower as I'm going back to school starting Monday, but I'm on half-time enrollment and it shouldn't be too bad. As always, you can find me on [tumblr](http://khimairan.tumblr.com) and I track the tag **fic: let me be me** if you want to show me anything. Full title doesn't work because of the parentheses.


	4. We're Alive, Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One million hugs for [ennuithereyet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ennuithereyet), who is an amazing writer, plotter, rp partner, beta and friend.
> 
> I forgot to put it in the last chapter, but this fic now has [fanart](http://parttimedemigod.tumblr.com/post/89111581495/i-finally-finished-that-piece-for-khimairans-fic), so go coo over it like I did.

It took Eren a long time to really process the information Levi had given him, even understanding exactly what he was saying. It wasn’t even that it was so hard to believe, as much as something clicked in the back of his head and settled in slow shockwaves through the rest of his body. It… made sense, in some ways. The cold eyes, the calm way Levi faced the evidence of what Eren had been up to without reaction, as if he’d seen it before. The way he and Erwin both looked at Eren as a person first, with his current occupation meaning little to nothing in how they sized him up. Levi had done the same things to survive at one point, and the seamless way he and his husband moved with each other made the idea of it being a secret incongruous. They both knew, and that was why they’d known about him.

So why had they chosen him anyway?

There was a wordless permission about the way Levi had relaxed against him, deliberate despite being in a catlike slump, guard dropped. Levi had been like that before, too; exact and precise in the way he moved, in full control of his body whether it was with aggression or compliance. Now, knowing the man’s background, Eren wondered how much was Levi’s personality and how much was the habit built after having to use it deliberately and protect it from harm. It was something he was all too familiar with and the comparison made his stomach drop. It was easier for Eren to accept something painful happening to himself than someone else, and it hurt to think of Levi trading his body for a wad of cash. In the short time Eren had known him, he’d learned already that Levi had no patience or tolerance for people and things he did not want; the critical way he’d handled ordering his lunch the day before proved that. How had he been able to stomach it, when he wasn’t the type to take shit from anyone?

 _But neither am I, and yet here I am_ , Eren thought with a nauseous lurch to his guts. Pride didn’t matter, only survival, and maybe that was why he and Levi fell into sync more often than not. They were survivors, and knew their own kind.

A low hum rumbled through the muscular chest and Levi propped his chin on Eren’s collarbone, face very, very close as their eyes met again; contemplative grey to troubled blue-green. “You’re quiet,” he observed. “Surprised?”

Stomach sinking, he nodded a little, shivering when their noses brushed together. God, he was so close, both reassuring and driving up Eren’s pulse. “Um, yes and no, really. But… you seem happy now. You are, right?” That seemingly naïve question felt so painfully important as he asked, needing to know that Levi at least was happy, after having surviving by doing what Eren was doing now.

“Yeah, kid, I’m happy. More or less.” A fond crinkle to the corner of those grey eyes and Levi huffed, mouth quirking in an almost-smile. “Erwin helped. I don’t think I ever would’ve gotten out if he hadn’t found me; took me a while to think I was allowed to, though. When you’re still in the gutter, you find ways of telling yourself you belong there.” Levi wasn’t given to fidgeting, but the slight pick of his fingertips at the back of Eren’s shirt was a tell, and a surprisingly obvious one at that; coupled with the softer pitch of Levi’s voice, it seemed a more intimate admission than Levi would willingly give. But if he was here, offering physical comfort for nothing in return, what did Eren really know of his motivations or willingness?

Slow and careful with his words, Levi kept his eyes steady on Eren’s, trying to impress it into his skull by force of will, it seemed. “I know it seems easy enough to tell you that you’re not selling parts of yourself you can’t get back, and that it’s harder to believe than that. I know that it feels wrong to think you’ll ever feel clean again. It gets better. Takes a while sometimes, but it gets better, and you get to forgive yourself for what you did to stay alive.”

Nodding rapidly, Eren bit at his lips again, repeating the sharply spoken doctrine in his head. _You are not selling yourself. You’re selling tickets to a performance_. Drawing the lines in his mind, stronger barriers this time between what he was worth and what he took as payment. It wasn’t going to fix him, but the advice meant a hell of a lot more now, sank in deeper with the context behind it. Levi didn’t owe him anything, had no stake in lying to him and gained nothing from admitting his own past; it was humbling, to realize that he was doing it anyways, and it tugged feelings of gratitude tentatively up through Eren’s insides. Beyond the simple aspect of having someone who knew his situation from both sides, it felt like there was a chance for things to get better. Eren wasn’t alone, struggling under a burden no one else could even know about, actually had someone to talk to about it that he didn’t have to protect. It felt kinda like hope; just a little bit, a small spark, but more than he’d had in months. Shyly, arms carefully looped around the other man’s body, Eren mumbled in a very soft voice, “I’m glad that you’re happy. I’m glad Erwin was there for you.”

Levi laughed, of all things, an honest and surprisingly nice sound as his eyes crinkled and his teeth showed. “Yeah, brat, I’m glad too.” An intent glance, lips firming around the words he murmured next. Light fingertips ran over Eren’s neck again, gently enough that he could almost forget that there were bruises from someone else’s hands there. “Now it’s your turn to let us be there for you.”

 Eren blinked, haze of calm dissipating. “Huh?” _Why?_ They’d already won their own happiness, didn’t owe him anything. Even still, from the gentle tone and firm hands, Levi… well, he seemed to _care_. And that was such an odd feeling, to be cared about like this by someone outside the very small circle of close friends who were like family. Eren honestly didn’t think he was worth the trouble.

“Because we want to, if you’ll let us.” Calm, unflinching tone, as if the idea really was that simple, but how could it be? Eren opened his mouth to protest, but the shrewd glare from Levi kept him silent; he was too knowing, as if the self-deprecating words on Eren’s tongue had already been said out loud. As short a time as they’d known each other, Eren still had a feeling that kind of argument would probably get him kicked in the shin, or perhaps bitten again. Levi held his eyes a bit longer, the warning as clear as the affection Eren didn't know how to handle. Then he stepped back, letting Eren get back to the cleaning he'd yet to finish.

The shorter man didn’t stray far, leaning on the counter and occasionally propping his chin on Eren’s shoulder to whisper tender nothings in his ear when he thought Eren was being lazy with how clean he got his dishes. Things like, “How the hell haven’t you died of disease by now ,” or the incredibly fond and yet terrifying, “Wash that fucking plate again or I swear to God I’ll drop-kick you through a window.” Time passed easily enough like that, Levi even stealing a pair of gloves to scrub the counters down . The time spent cleaning was both ridiculous and weirdly domestic, a space carved out in his mind to learn the angle and shape of the other man as Levi moved through Eren’s apartment. Fluid, efficient, brutal with grime both real and implied; making himself comfortable to poke around the apartment without any concern over nosiness. It didn’t feel as invasive as it would have with someone else; Levi was a combination of neutral and sarcastic that reminded Eren of nothing so much as a cat, and that made Eren more prone to smiling than bristling at the shout from beside his bed that he needed to _put his goddamned laundry away_.” None of this came close to normal, but it was comforting and easier to think about than his many piled-up problems. Hell, his ‘normal’ had sucked enough lately anyways, maybe he needed something different.

It wasn’t until Levi’s phone chirped some time later that they really spoke again. “Mm, Erwin’s done early,” he said, reclining back against the clean counters. “He’s picking up Chinese, sound good?”

“That sounds great, honestly,” Eren replied, a tired smile tugging at the edge of his mouth.

“What do you want?”

“Something sweet and sour, I don’t care what.”

 It didn’t seem like it would be, but cleaning his apartment was actually making him feel better, more like himself and in control of the situation. His dishes were clean and drying, floors swept, the few throw rugs beaten outside the windows and vacuumed thoroughly. Under Levi’s pestering he’d also gotten the laundry basket out of his closet and actually put away the clean shirts that had been loitering since his last wash day. He’d even folded them properly, after his first instinct of tossing them in a drawer haphazardly had earned him an evil grey-eyed glare.

It took him a moment to feel the appropriate panic when Levi spoke again a bit later, saying casually, “By the way, brat, I’m not warning him about the bruises before he gets here. You’ll have to deal with his reaction yourself.”

“I… okay?” Eren paused uncertainly, internally beginning to scroll through several variations of _oh shit_. What did that mean?  He had a rough map of their personalities now, but little else, and Levi's phrasing made him wary. Did Erwin's controlling nature extend to handling something like Eren’s injury badly? If that was the case, Levi shouldn’t be smirking, handsome and content in the catlike coil where he’d taken over the cushy armchair by the window. Eren tried to put it out of his mind and got to setting the table, laying out plates and silverware, then debating for long minutes about what kind of drinks to get everyone (his choices were coffee, water or orange juice). And then, when Erwin still had not arrived and his anxiety was beginning to spike, Eren spent the remaining wait time fidgeting nervously and rearranging everything in his kitchen.

The doorbell finally rang and Levi leapt up to get it, distracting Eren for a moment with the light grace of his movements; and then Erwin was stepping into the apartment and he swallowed the bubble of nausea in his throat. It would be okay, wouldn’t it? They knew what he had to do, at worst he’d get a lecture on being safer with his clientele. Repeating the words in his mind, Eren shyly stepped forwards, watching the two men exchange soft greetings and quiet smiles before the blond brought several take-out bags to the table. Still tall and bright, ridiculously handsome as he shrugged off his tailored jacket and unbuttoned the throat of his dress shirt.

“It’s way too warm for this kind of clothing,” Erwin chuckled lightly, laying his jacket over the back of a kitchen chair. “This is a nice apartment, Eren. Thank you for having us over.”

Nodding, Eren bit his lip, nervous as he walked forward. “Yeah, I was happy to hear from you guys. Did, uh, did your meeting go well?”

“As well as can be expected, but there are some very difficult people on the team that keep dragging their heels on important issues. I didn’t want to start off as a hard boss, but…“ Trailing off, Erwin seemed to lose track of what he’d been saying; once again the bruises on his skin struck someone speechless, mouth open and blue eyes glued to Eren’s throat.

Heart beating fast in his chest, Eren shifted his feet, looked everywhere but Erwin’s face. _I’m sorry_ , he wanted to say, even if he had no reason to; he’d made no promises to either of them, barely knew them except as brief, intense encounters he’d hoped would grow to more. It was worse that way, though, because they hadn’t asked him to be better than what he was, and even Eren knew that he was better than this. They made him remember that, and that made him hate his position even more.

Erwin was still staring. “Oh, Eren…” Christ, did his voice have to be so gentle? It was too soft to defend against, somehow hurt or disappointed, and that was a hell of a lot worse than anger. He could deal with anger, but the idea he’d disappointed either of them tugged at Eren until he wrapped his arms around himself, subconsciously trying to calm down.

“I know. It doesn’t usually happen, but… it was a bad night.“ He meant to say more, but then he was being pulled against a chest just as broad as it had been two days before and that drove most of the lucid thoughts from his head. Erwin’s arms were snugly wrapped around his back, smooth-shaven cheek to his temple. It felt nice in a way he hadn’t expected, even if his brain was still stumbling to catch up. People didn’t hug him, apart from his two closest people that were no longer close enough to do so. Most people either kept their distance or paid to fuck him and walked away after. Eren might still be surprised by Levi’s inability to process personal space, but he was getting used to it. Erwin was different, less of that fluid, stubborn energy and more precise control. Easier to predict, less likely to do something startling. To put it bluntly, this kind of sudden gesture seemed weird from him.

Hesitant, Eren relaxed slowly into the embrace. There was no feeling of threat here, only bewilderment; it was nice enough to allow to continue, but his brain turned it over frantically, wanting answers. Eren could barely see over Erwin’s shoulder to where Levi stood, watching them with an unreadable expression. Was _this_ what he’d been warning Eren over? A _hug_? Why? Except… it was more than a hug. He felt… surrounded, that was the only word for it. Eren wasn’t a small person, but his build was long and rangy with lean muscle to make up for what he lacked in mass. Erwin was bigger, more solid and impossibly warm; an entire force wrapped around him instead of just another human being.

Eren was completely, tightly held as Erwin started running careful hands over his back, the bones of his shoulder blades, intent in the task. Checking for further injuries, his voice low as he muttered worried little questions like _Are you hurt_ and _how bad is the rest_ and _did you go to the hospital,_ one after another without waiting for an answer. Finally getting a word in, Eren eased back just a little, trying to make eye contact. “No, I’m fine, it’s just the bruises. I fucked his face up and got out of there before he could-”

“Before he could _what_?” Oh, that tone was sharp, a cold fury burning at the back of those pretty eyes, turning them to ice. This Erwin was dangerous in a way even Eren’s fighter’s instincts hadn’t realized until now, voice menacing as he asked, “What was he trying to do to you?”

“He… um, I think he was trying to kill me,” Eren mumbled uncertainly. He knew that’s what the fuckhead had been trying to do, a fan of the stereotypical ‘strangle the hooker’ trope, but the look on Erwin’s face was making his brain stagger to a halt. He looked devastated and Eren didn’t understand. It was awful, yes, but it was an occupational hazard; one that Levi had to have educated him on already- oh.

 _Oh… fuck_.

The pieces he’d been trying to connect finally snapped together, leaving Eren dizzy and sick as memory grew vivid. The tight way Erwin had gripped the steering wheel when even discussing Levi’s bike accident, the snap of his voice when he’d said that Levi _could have died_. The weary way Levi had looked at Eren’s throat, as if the bruises were a painfully familiar memory _._ Levi saying quietly that if he hadn’t met Erwin, then he wouldn’t have gotten out; meaning they knew each other while Levi was still working. How many times had Erwin already had to see someone he cared about damaged by another person’s hands? And now this. The absolute but careful control in Erwin’s hands, moving now to the sides of Eren’s face with the same tenderness that had lent itself to the mop-up of the blood running down Eren’s face yesterday morning.

Eren wasn’t Levi, but whatever the reason they’d decided to care about him, too. So Erwin was freaking out… and that was why Levi had warned him. _Fucking shit._ Why tell him so vaguely, then? Was this a test? There was a steady, appraising measure in Levi’s eyes that Eren could only guess the meaning of, and at the moment Erwin was his bigger concern.

“I’m okay.” Eren tried to smile, reaching up to cover the bruises with his palms. “Seriously, the guy probably just spent too much reading the Bible and watching Jack the Ripper documentaries,” he muttered, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to the blonde’s cheek. “I broke his nose and left him screaming in his car. I promise, I’m totally okay. It was just a shock.”

Jaw subtly tightening, Erwin took Eren’s hands, careful but firm as he peeled them away from the marks. “It’s not okay, Eren, someone hurting you like this is never okay-“

“I know that!” He didn’t mean to snap, but his voice was raised and so were his hackles. Taking a breath to calm himself, he repeated, “I know it’s not okay. I never said it was. I said _I’m_ okay, because I’m still alive and that fucker tried to ruin me, but he didn’t. I fought and I _won_ , and he won’t get another chance to touch me.”

Worry creased Erwin’s brow again, but Eren held his eyes, determined teal to light blue; finally, the blonde sighed, seeming to deflate slightly as the tension in his frame eased. “I’m glad that he failed,” Erwin rumbled, an odd gravity to the words as he leaned in, brushed a kiss over Eren’s hairline. A soft gesture; affectionate, like the hands that Levi had been weaving around Eren’s body earlier and the kind, forgiving glances when Eren had stalled or fretted about something. Deliberate, the way all of Erwin’s motions were, with intent and purpose of the exact effect; a careful benediction.

What was happening here? It was too fast to feel so tied up in them already, as if his lungs could fill more easily and his heart thump stronger in his chest when they were nearby. As a rule Eren didn’t let himself need too many people; he couldn’t afford to, when his methods of emotional commitment flipped between the poles of Lifelong Loyalty and Complete Apathy. Eren either didn’t care or he cared a whole hell of a lot, and he’d always been that way. His life had taught him harshly that he had to be strong enough to take care of himself or the people he relied on would suffer; it felt unnatural to give over the burdens weighing him down, even with Mikasa and Armin, the closest family he had.

It was alarming, standing here and realizing these two men he barely knew felt like support he could lean on; a conclusion based entirely on emotion and a nameless tug of intuition, because there was no logic or fact supporting the idea. Nothing he could point to that said Eren should trust them even as much as he already did, much less feel the clawing desire to trust them with more. He was a scraped-up piece of tail they’d found in a bar and treated like a human being, and that alone should be enough. Eren was already grateful enough; he didn’t need the soft glint of approval on Levi’s face as he watched them both, as if Eren passed a test he hadn’t understood. Didn’t need the overwhelming stability of Erwin’s body up against his own, as if the integrity of Eren’s legs could fail him completely and he would still somehow be held up.

No. He _shouldn’t_ need it, but it was becoming frighteningly clear that maybe he _did_ , regardless.

Unable to broach the topic, Eren looked down, chewing his lip. “Y-yeah, me too,” he mumbled after far too long, awkward in the room’s silence. Sweaty palms dragged over his jeans and Eren cleared his throat, looking towards the table and finally coming up with something to ask. “Um, would you rather have orange juice or water?”

Erwin’s fingers lingered on the edge of his shoulder even as the man shrugged. “Water is fine, it’s better on a day like this.”

“Same for me,” Levi added, finally walking forward to drop into one of the chairs at the table and dig into the bag of food; a much-appreciate break in the tension, for Eren, as the shorter man began almost immediately grousing at Erwin, “Lemon chicken again? I’m going to smell it on you all day.”

“It’s not so terrible as that, Levi,” Erwin chuckled, pulling Styrofoam containers and cardboard takeout cartons from the bag. Eren slipped into the kitchen to fill a pitcher with water and some ice from the freezer, grateful for the small moment to catch his breath and regain his composure. He wasn’t scared of them, didn’t feel on edge with them in his apartment, but what on earth did he do with them? Everything they were to each other and on their own, successful and happy and kind, didn’t seem like it would require him as an addition; how did he place them here in his life? Were they even going to be around long enough to try doing so?

Eren’s mind might have been a conflicted mess, but his stomach only had one interest right now and it was the food making the room smell so good as he came back in and set the pitcher down. “Oh, wow,” he breathed, impressed at the spread. Used to not treating himself to takeout these days, he was both impressed and extremely hungry from looking at it.

Erwin smiled, a more genuine expression than the polite one he tended to show from time to time. “I didn’t know how hungry everyone would be or what else you liked, so I thought it would be best to get variety. Help yourself.”

None of them bothered with more formality than that before filling their plates and digging in. Eren was grateful for how down-to-earth they were; with the expensive car and nice corporate jobs they likely had, he’d expect a posh sort of attitude to eating dinner, but Levi was stretched out with his feet in Erwin’s lap, slurping noodles loudly while Erwin picked a piece of bamboo out of his food with his fingers and popped it into his mouth. Chuckling, Eren peered in the bag that now held napkins and sauce packets, finding another pair of chopsticks with a triumphant grin. They were the cheap wooden kind you had to snap apart, but he didn’t mind, and the next few minutes were spent blissfully inhaling the food on his plate.

It wasn’t until he’d scooped up another portion of white rice and sweet and sour chicken that he realized Levi and Erwin were both watching him. Eren blinked, put the bite of food in his mouth deftly and took his time chewing it, one eyebrow raised as he looked between them. Swallowing, he finally asked, “What?”

“You’re quite good with those,” Erwin chuckled, gesturing to the chopsticks with his own pair. “I’ve managed competency, but rice is still too difficult to use them on for me.”

Eren grinned, playing with the utensils until he had a piece of food balanced at the tips. “I just have a lot of practice. In college I had a part-time job at the Asian buffet near campus, so I ate a lot of Chinese food. It’s not that hard to learn.”

Levi slanted a glare up from his bowl of soup noodles, eyes narrowed. “Fucking brat.”

“What?” Eren blinked, following Levi’s glare not to his own face but to the chopsticks. “Do you not like them or something?”

Erwin answered after a beat of irritable silence, Levi diving back into his container of noodles and broth all too eagerly. “Levi’s never had that particular ability. It’s a mystery why, he has good manual dexterity, but these are just beyond him.”

A truly malevolent grumble from through a mouthful of food as Levi stared daggers over the Styrofoam container. “Yeah, fuck you too, Erwin. Assholes, both of you.” Swallowing, Levi pointedly waved his fork at the both of them. “And of all the fucking utensils to use for a rice-based diet how the fuck did two sticks win out? You’re both goddamned uncivilized, using wood slivers to eat with, the hell is wrong with you anyways?”

The rant was so incredibly offended that Eren couldn’t help bursting into laughter, chopsticks pressed to his face as his hand came up to cover his mouth. That only riled Levi up further, yelling over the noise about how much technological progress had come along and yet no change had come in eating traditions at all. “They used those to fucking move dead people bone by bone and you guys wanna fucking eat with them!”

Erwin looked as if he was barely holding back from the same, skin crinkling to either side of fond blue eyes. Lifting one hand, the blonde patted Levi’s shoulder with a bland, “Yes, dear,” that set Eren off again.

“Oh my god, I hate both of you!” There was the tiniest twitch to the side of Levi’s mouth as he continued trying to glare at both of them. “Wood holds bacteria so much better than fucking metal, you can’t get it nearly as clean, it’s unsanitary!”

Erwin made a sympathetic moue, eyebrows drawn together as he patted Levi’s shoulder again. “It’s terrible, I know. You put up with so much.”

Levi proceeded to stab him with the fork, causing Eren to choke on the sip of water he’d been taking. Erwin whined loudly about the tiny dots of reddened skin on the back of his hand while Levi yelled about putting it through the skin next time. “Not in my apartment,” Eren growled, poking his chopsticks at Levi and dodging the next swing of the fork. “We just cleaned it!”

That made the other man pause, lips pursing together. “Hmm… fine. Christ knows you’re going to have it a fucking pigsty again in a few days, might as well make the cleanliness last as long as possible.”

“Hey!” Grumbling, Eren returned to his food, making a show of holding his food precisely as he dipped it in the little plastic containers of pink sauce. The glare he got from Levi as he deftly put it in his mouth made it taste that much better.

It wasn’t the only rowdy conversation they had and Eren found himself laughing again, the meal going slower as stories of difficult coworkers were exchanged and colorful descriptions of annoying habits abounded. Victory was finally declared in Eren’s favor when he described the one job he’d worked with Sasha in high school and how often he’d had to either stop her or cover for her sneaking food from the merchandise.

“Not sure why you didn’t let her get fired, though,” Levi commented, contemplating whether to take another eggroll or not.

“She’s a good person. It wasn’t like she was just stealing to steal. None of us knew she was hypoglycemic with a super metabolism back then, she just said she was always hungry and got dizzy and crazy when she didn’t eat enough. Once that got found out and her family got in touch with a nutritionist, they got her on a meal plan and the problem more or less went away.” Eren shrugged, sipping his water. “She was my friend. Just because she was a pain in the ass occasionally, that didn’t mean I was going to let her get in trouble if I could help it.”

They considered him, the two men in his apartment, expressions quiet and eyes soft. “Noble,” Erwin commented, plate empty as he relaxed in his chair.

“Loyal,” Eren corrected, mouth quirking a little. “I’m not the least bit ‘noble,’ trust me.”

Levi smirked, feet back in his husband’s lap. “That’s okay, Captain America here is noble enough for all of us. Even with that mile-wide mean streak.”

“I’m hurt,” Erwin deadpanned, returning the smirk as he began massaging the bridge of one foot. “Calling me names like that.”

“Well, I thought you looked like Captain America, too,” Eren admitted, grinning into his glass at the arched blond eyebrows and Levi’s quiet snicker. “Just older and better-looking.” The teasing foot up his calf a moment later made him squeak, a flush crossing his face at the resulting (but not unkind) laughter from the men across his table. It was strange even having guests, much less people he’d known so briefly. Not the usual, a clear breach over the lines of how far he usually trusted new people, but somehow warm and comfortable in a way he hoped he could repeat sometime.

It wasn’t until the leftovers had been bundled away (into Eren’s fridge because Levi was still somehow offended by lemon chicken) that Erwin made his move. Sneaky, and Eren knew it, could tell from the subtle glances that as charming as he was, there was a master manipulator under there; because of that, because of his careful dynamic with Levi, Eren had come to expect the actions and the changes from Levi; the one who spoke bluntly, the one that woke up and pulled him back to bed in the middle of the night, the one that curled around him against a sink full of dishes and told him that it was going to be better someday.

It was Erwin that took his hands, careful and precise, and placed a curl of bills inside them. As Eren stared, heart sinking, the blonde spoke gently, thumb still rubbing over unscarred knuckles. “Before you say no, let me explain.” A careful breath, as if it was important to get this right. “I would like you to take a few days off. You’ve just been through a harsh experience, and you’ve been stressed for a long while. Consider this paid leave; no different than me compensating you for missing days of revenue at a more traditional job.”

Eren shivered, staring at Erwin, at the incredibly thick curl of bills in his hand- Jesus Christ, where those hundreds? “I don’t understand.” The words felt childish on his tongue, an admission of weakness. _I’m lost. I’m scared. I don’t understand_.

The kindness in those sky blue eyes ached to look at, burned behind his eyes as Erwin squeezed his hands again. “It’s okay. Just remember this: I’m not paying you to do anything. I’m paying you _not_ to. Just take a few days off, and take care of yourself. Please.”

Eren licked his lips, tried to find words that didn’t stick to his tongue. It hurt, the same way Levi’s hugs did, the way they were kind in a way that he couldn’t imagine deserving. “Why?” It’s barely audible, lips trembling on the stretch of the vowel. ““You’re both already… you don’t need to do this for me, why?”

“You’re in a hard position right now, and you need help. We want to help.” Soft warmth as lips press to his brow, breath fluttering in his bangs. “We can afford it, so let us help.”

The tattered scraps of his pride wanted to argue, to say that he could shoulder it on his own; he always had, was fighting on his own to protect people from having to share this burden. He wanted to do it on his own, but Eren was tired, weary down to his bones of struggling so hard and getting nowhere. The money was warm and solid against his palm, Erwin’s smell wrapping around him as the man leaned back and looked at him. Kind, hopeful, steady. Treating him like a human being, like he mattered, even having known him so briefly.

“You know, Eren, we like you,” Levi said from near his right side, easing into the intimacy of the conversation without breaking it. Eyes heavy-lidded, posture relaxed, the lithe man shrugged; all the muscle of a fighter, guard dropped deliberately to someone who knew what that meant. “Whatever we all are- friends, fuckbuddies, whatever the hell else- nothing we give you comes with strings. There’s no bullshit fine print or obligations for you to reciprocate with anything. This life can be utter shit, and all of us know that. Whatever the reason, we want to help make it less shitty for you;  you can trust that.”

Eren could barely swallow, tongue dragging across his lips to wet them. It was hard to do anything but stare, eyes aching with the weight of how badly he wanted to cry, as Levi spoke. Grey eyes on his, kind not from overwhelming softness or sweetness but a form of mercy.

Voice gentle, Levi continued, an ease as he glanced at Erwin. “I know none of us set down any ground after the first night, and it’s probably pretty scary. But we’re all adults and we can let it be, for now. We say what we want and don’t want, no lying, and we work with it. No matter what we’re doing, you’re still okay to lay down your boundaries or say ‘no’ when it’s not what you want.” Too knowing, too many shadows in those grey eyes as Levi said plainly, “We’re not going to treat you differently because you let us give you some money. We’re not shitty like that, okay?”

“Okay.” It came out rough, cracked; he licked his lips and tried again. “Okay. I… thank you.” There was some fault, some fundamental error in his makeup, Eren thought, that being beaten half to death had never brought him as close to crying as the kindness of these two people. What did it say about the way his life had gone recently that it was strange to be treated like a person, like someone who mattered? He wanted to say more, to say their names, to give them some sort of clue how much this meant to him, but his throat was swollen, vision blurred. He shivered, didn’t shy away when someone’s hand cupped the back of his neck and rubbed small, soothing patterns there. He’d learned a long time ago to avoid being trapped, to always have a way out; there was no such escape between them, Erwin solid against his back and Levi tucking his chin up onto Eren’s collarbone again. Surrounded again, wrapped snuggly in two pairs of arms that he probably couldn’t break out of if he tried.

Somehow, he didn’t mind.

It was quiet when they gathered their coats and shoes to head home. The invitation to join them offered plainly and quietly, Levi’s brows quirking in curiosity as he asked. It didn’t take Eren as long to respond as he expected it to, shaking his head, smiling tiredly. “It’s been a long couple nights, I think I’m gonna get some sleep.”

It’d be a lie to say he wasn’t uncertain, declining to spend the night after the gift they’d handed over, but there was no judgment or even disappointment on their faces; he could swear they look almost proud. “Good,” Erwin responded, nodding slightly. “You need your rest. Have a good night, Eren.”

“We’ll see you later,” Levi promised lightly, one hand lifting to ruffle the messy flop of Eren’s hair before heading out the door. Erwin kept it to a smile, a brief squeeze of Eren’s shoulder, and then they are both gone and the door clicked quietly shut.

His apartment felt both bigger and smaller without them in it, and Eren couldn’t quite make sense of that even in his own head. Bemused, he walked to his bedside dressed, picking up again the thick curl of bills that Erwin had handed him. It counts up to an even thousand dollars, the sheer weight of that just a little bit beyond his ability to absorb for the moment. A few days revenue, Erwin had said, and Eren’s not sure whether to feel absurdly flattered or be impressed by the prices Levi must have commanded in his day if they think he can make this much that fast. It was enough to cover a week of working nights, though Eren won’t wait that long; he will, however, enjoy the sudden easing of the guilt on his shoulders from not being able to force himself out to the bars tonight or tomorrow.

His pajamas were still soft and comforting when he slipped into them, the sheets fresh and clean on the bed as Eren curled under the blankets. The window was cracked open, the fan blowing cool air through the room. The lingering worry was still alive in the back of his mind, but softer now, tempered by the comparative warmth the day had left. It was, despite all expectations, a good day. Nose pressing into the pillow, Eren breathed in slow and easy, deliberately relaxing. Letting the soft fabric and comforting silence of his apartment lull him to sleep, he found himself drifting off with the faintest of smiles.

 _Maybe tomorrow I’ll go jogging around the lake again_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this only took me fucking forever. Sorry about that, real life is a major dick. I have a lot of the plot and timeline of this worked out now, though, so while I can't promise 'quick' updates, they won't stall again.
> 
> FYI, I love all your comments, guys- and wow some of them made me really happy- but yelling at me to 'fucking update already' just makes me feel grumpy. When I'm grumpy I watch youtube videos and don't write because why should I, if the thing I'm doing without being paid is resulting in a bunch of rude comments? Food for thought.
> 
> Once again if you have questions, etc I'm on my [tumblr](http://khimairan.tumblr.com) pretty regularly, and I track the tumblr tag fic: let me be me and post updates in it.


	5. I Want a Meaning From the Back of My Broken Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?! An update?! Yes, finally, I'm sorry guys- as you might have noticed me saying on tumblr, life has sucked in some ways for me and it's been a hell of a time getting my fic-writing groove back in order, but I've got a better handle on this story now and hopefully this long of a gap won't happen again.
> 
> Also, thank you so, SO much for all of your comments, I don't have time to reply but I promise I have read each one and 90% of them make me smile hugely for the rest of the day. Seriously, you guys are the only reason I've been able to stay in touch with this fic and keep coming back to it for another round.

Earbuds pressed in, music blasting in a heavy rhythms that matched the familiar slap of his feet on the concrete; the early morning air cooling the sweat on his skin as it blew past him. His lungs began to burn pleasantly as his body loosened, a warm and fluid machine completely under his control.

 _His_ body. _His_ heart slamming under the ridge of his breast bone, breath searing _his_ throat in every rush of air. The handprints left on his skin by other bodies felt distant and unimportant; an insubstantial memory that couldn’t hold weight. Only this, here, was real; achingly alive and overwhelmingly peaceful.

Panting and slick-skinned, Eren skidded to a stop at the top of the hill. Chest heaving as he gulped at the air, tasting lake water in every mouthful from the humidity around the area. One hand shoving back the hair plastered across his brow, Eren tilted his head back, watching the clouds pass and glorying in the endorphin high still rocketing through his body. He felt light, weightless, unfettered to the earth that pressed snugly against his feet; a support, but not a trap, as if perhaps he could fly if he decided he wanted it badly enough.

The walk back down the hill was languid, thigh muscles trembling under his skin from the hard work he’d put them through. Eren hadn’t had the time to go on a real run for a long time, not since he’d first gotten back from college, and it felt incredibly good to push his own limits again. The simple t-shirt and jogging shorts he wore were snug but comfortable, unlike the clothes he usually had to wear to make himself appealing to either a client or an employer; there wasn’t all that much difference between selling himself for sex and selling himself for a job, except that sex was simpler and less fussy.

The money Erwin and Levi had given him was sitting snugly in his bank account, ready to cover the next direct deposit payment coming up. Between his recent nights’ work and the gift, Eren could feasibly stay home at night for the next nine or ten days before he needed to go out again; he wouldn’t, was only allowing himself three nights off, but it was comforting to know the option was there, that he had a certain stretch of survival guaranteed.

He wasn’t on break from job-hunting, even if today he was taking it easy, enjoying his first real morning for himself in a painfully long time. Planning on walking home and taking a shower before starting his rounds again, the gurgle of his stomach made Eren pause halfway down one of side-streets in the downtown area. Being hungry wasn’t new, but he typically ignored it until he was home and could put together something cheap and simple. There wasn’t any reason he couldn’t do that today, too, but there was a wonderful smell in the air and, well, it’d been a damn long time since he’d treated himself to anything.

Thinking about too long would make him too guilty to enjoy it, so Eren stopped thinking about it and walked into the little sidewalk café, music turned down as he tugged out one earbud and stood in line. No one took much notice from him, aside from cursory glances, and it was an odd sort of relief to be a normal anonymous figure in the crowd. Just a person, no more and no less, and utterly unimportant to these random strangers that were eating their food. The chalkboard menu was homey and cute, with sandwich specials named after local attractions, most of which made him snort. Still toying with his earbud, he stepped up when his turn came and asked, “Got any recommendations? It all looks good.”

Eren wasn’t really looking at the girl at the till until he asked, so he was surprised to see a wide, rapt pair of eyes staring up at him from a flushed young face. “Um. Hi?”

Flustered, she stammered, hands up and waving a little. “O-oh gosh, I’m sorry, I was zoning out a little! Um, the toasted roast beef melt is really good, I get it a lot on my lunch breaks.”

Smiling hesitantly, Eren nodded. “Okay, sounds good. I’ll have that and a medium cappuccino, please, to go.”

They managed to work through his bread and cheese choices and he paid for his order; the girl nearly ran into the back room to deliver his order to the kitchen. Even when she returned, her hands were fluttery as she darted around making his drink. Standing to the side of the counter to wait, he had to wonder just what was going on; she didn’t seem scared, not as he knew it to look. Had he startled her somehow?

A few minutes later, his sandwich was in a small paper bag and she was nervously holding it out to him with his coffee, blushing as he thanked her with a smile; her fingers tightened when Eren reached for the items, though. What the hell…? “Um!” She blurted, still holding on as he blinked at her. “I’m Tammy!”

“Okay…?” Eren floundered, at a loss for what she wanted him to say in response, and a moment later she cringed and let go of his order, letting him step back with it. Weird. It was _weird_ , why was she so nervous if she wasn’t scared of him? Eren was halfway out the door when it hit him like a frying pan to the back of the head and he nearly stumbled. Oh, fuck. It’d been so goddamned long since he’d seen innocent attraction, he’d forgotten what it fucking looked like. Poor kid was probably a part-timer fresh out of high school, didn’t know what to say to someone clearly older that she thought was attractive. She’d tried to introduce herself and he’d said ‘okay,’ how dumb must she have felt? The half-remembered digs from Armin about having the social grace of a dead log rose in phantom memory, making him wince. Turning in the door, Eren lifted his coffee cup for a moment. “Um!” Surprised hazel eyes found him across the room and he managed not to swallow his tongue as he said quietly, eyes on hers, “Thanks, Tammy.”

The radiant sort of red-cheeked smile that spread across her face almost made up for how stupid he felt about embarrassing her, and Eren beat a hasty retreat before the situation could convolute farther. She was cute and seemed nice enough, but his life was already complicated enough and she looked way too young, besides. Even still, there was a faint warmth on the edges of his cheekbones as he drank his coffee, wandering down the street looking for a good place to sit and eat his breakfast. It had been a long time since anyone looked at him as anything aside from a sex partner or a potential threat; it was unexpectedly nice of a compliment, and hopefully he hadn’t embarrassed her too badly for it.

He ate sitting on one of the high, sun-warmed stone walls separating the tourist walkways from the rear parking lots for some of the local businesses, enjoying the sunshine and ignoring the faint itch of salt on his skin until he’d finished and disposed of his trash. The walk back to his apartment building was lazy, time taken to appreciate details about the neighborhood he usually ignored. Having scoured the downtown area repeatedly for jobs recently, Eren was also considering his options. The bus pass he’d last bought still had a few uses and today would work as well as any to head across town to the mall and do an application run. Most places would hand out a form even if they weren’t hiring, and it never hurt to have his name in the pile when they did need to dig for an employee. Being the biggest shopping hub of the area, it would be open late and so Eren took his time, still enjoying the luxury of not having to rush back to his apartment to take a shower and get ready to go.

When he was home finally and clean with a towel wrapped around his waist, Eren found himself hesitating over clothing choices. Typically he went with the standard American expectation of ‘decent’, solid color polo shirts and knee-length khaki shorts, which was about the lightest thing he could wear for the summer without looking like a bum or a jackass to most of the businesses around town. Any day of the week was a day that Eren hated having them in his closet, since they were stuffy and ugly in his opinion, but today they seemed especially pretentious. Today, more himself than he’d been in months, Eren flatly refused to wear them. Most of the places he was most likely to get hired in the mall wouldn’t need a particularly fancy look, anyways; no one expected a white-collar professional to be putting cheese on their nachos. It was another treat, another little allowance that he hadn’t made in a long time, but Eren pushed the polo and khakis back, further into his closet, and grabbed clothes he actually liked. Ten minutes later he was dressed in an old, comfortable pair of grey jeans only a little ratty at the knees and a thin, soft t-shirt that had faded from bright blue to a faded sky color from many, many washings; technically a little small for him, but it stretched over his muscles and still had the little black bats and tree branch silhouettes from when his mom had bought it for Halloween years ago, not long before she got too sick to go shopping with him at all; for that, Eren would wear it until the thing fell to pieces. It’d look normal in the mall and he still looked fine, Eren reasoned with himself, ignoring the knowledge that he was wearing ‘comfort clothes’ and still needed that extra bit of security against his skin. Checking the state of his bruises- still livid, looked about four days old now thanks to his healing- Eren sighed and grabbed his bag, locking his door behind him before heading down towards the bus stop.

Waiting in the small, industrial-looking metal and plexiglass shelter by the stop, Eren checked his wallet by habit; ID, a little money and a punch-hole bus pass with three of the slots still free. Today’s two trips- there and back- would leave one he could save for an especially exhausted walk home at some point. Riding the bus wasn’t much of an experience, but sometimes his legs wore out after walking all day and working all night, and it was a big enough town to make walking everywhere impractical anyways.

The bus hadn’t changed since the last time he’d ridden it, large and creaky with a loud gush of air from the release brake as one side lowered slightly. A grumpy, anonymous driver with a greying mustache and sunglasses that boredly punched a hole in one of his remaining slots and waved him into the back, where he picked a solitary window seat in the upper back level. Eren wasn’t exactly antisocial, but he wasn’t fond of having random strangers pressed up against him, either, especially if they were the chatty, loud types. Having no choice about the type of company he got meant more often than not Eren was ready to gnaw off a foot as a decoy and escape out the window halfway to his destination, even with what little buffer his music provided, which wasn’t much. Five dollar earbuds weren’t very loud to begin with, even plugged into his phone, and paled in comparison to raucous laughter and screaming children.

The drive took about thirty minutes and Eren kept his mind comfortably blank for most of it, watching the scenery pass as music played in his ears; occasionally he got a text from Mikasa, pictures of her newest crop of students that had no clue what they were doing and kept stumbling all over each other; not one of them older than six years old for this particular class. Eren couldn’t help chuckling, tabbing through pictures of chubby little babies in miniature Gi robes trying to do the stretches Mikasa’s assistant had them trying.

**_Kasa_ ** _: Most of their parents are a little too bored and a little too rich, but clients are clients and little kids aren’t hard to teach when they automatically think you’re awesome by being able to throw people over your head._

**_Eren_ ** _: Well, they’re right you being awesome. Just try not to throw too many babies, it’s bad press if anyone finds out._

**_Kasa_ ** _: Oh, ha ha. So funny, little brother. I’ll just throw you instead when I get some time off and come down to check on you._

**_Eren_ ** _: Sis, you realize that coming to make sure I’m okay and also to beat me up are kind of opposite goals there?_

**_Kasa_ ** _: Tough love is best. Talk later, babies are climbing on me now._

Snorting, Eren sent back a cheeky smile emoticon and closed the text window, gathering his bag as the mall stop came up on the left side. Waving idly at the beleaguered bus driver, Eren gladly left the stuffy metal trap of warm air and too much perfume, trotting down the sidewalk as he approached the Shiganshina District Mall.

The building was more or less as Eren remembered it, the light-up decal advertisements in a different font that made him wonder if they’d changed them for decoration or if the last ones had broken somehow. This side of town was subtly hotter than the downtown area thanks to less trees and being farther from the lake, and Eren was sweating just from the walk across the parking lot; it made the temperature difference all the more striking when he walked into the air conditioned interior and shivered in the cold. It still baffled him why anyone thought they needed to turn the thermostat down to 60 degrees in summer and up to 80 in winter, but he supposed it kept the customers happy and that was what mattered. After taking a picture of the floor map with his phone for a navigation reference, Eren started at the end of one floor and worked his way slowly across.

People were a bit less snooty here than the touristy hipster places downtown, at least. Despite the smooth and clearly expensive interior design with all of its glass and chrome and pale wood handrails, most of the actual stores were small hobby shops or extensions of chain businesses that catered to the cheap-and-fast crowd. Places like that didn’t much care about his clothes or even his attitude as long as he could follow directions and sell shit; the only issue with getting hired was how many high school applicants they got with the schools that were nearby. Even so, within an hour Eren had a stack of applications to fill out and one weird little free keychain for ‘ _Reindeer Gamers’ Division_ ’ that an excitable guy with a very intense beard had insisted he take for his trouble. The pun in the name was mildly clever; the store logo of an anthropomorphic reindeer lady in a santa-print bikini and with extremely implausible breasts, not so much. Eren shoved it down into the deepest corner of his bag, shaking his head the entire time.

When he was done with the second floor, Eren went downstairs, finding a seating area near the mall daycare center and resting his legs a bit. Despite the stigma of people not liking single men near areas where small kids were kept, Eren liked being in areas where there were less crowds, and adults tended to avoid the noise and fuss of small children if they could. Using one folded leg and his resume folder as the backing for filling in a few of the applications while resting his legs, he was too busy staring at papers to watch the kids play anyways, and they were behaving themselves enough that most of the noise they made was laughter and running feet, which was mildly relaxing for him. Kids were simple, smart and occasionally bratty but a lot more trustworthy than adults. As much as he’d cringed at their noise and fuss when he was a teen, having spent time with the grungiest and most unkind selections of adult humans gave Eren an appreciation for their simplicity and their kindness.

Time passed easily enough as he worked and Eren had nearly finished his stack of paperwork when a small, lithe form walked up through his peripheral vision and nudged his foot with her very small boot. Blinking, Eren looked up and felt the weight of steel-grey eyes pin him cleanly to the seat, not unlike a bug under a spotlight.

“I thought it was you.” She didn’t look any older than she had when he was a teenager, face ageless but eyes ancient and ruthless; same ash-blond hair in a short bob, same wire-frame glasses and gunmetal eyes that could cut a person in half. No smile, only a hint of fondness he had to guess at in her expression. “Eren Jaeger. Hannes’ kid.”

A hesitant smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he shifted his papers back to his bag and stood up. “Lieutenant Brzenska. I haven’t seen you since-“

“Since the last time I almost arrested you, yes, I remember. You were a little asshole, you know.” She snorted, hand lifting to tug at her yellow t-shirt; only now did Eren notice it had the daycare center’s logo on it. “And it’s not Lieutenant anymore, just call me Rico. Besides, I heard enough about you from Hannes while you were staying with him, you’re practically a nephew or something.”

Eren flushed. The reminder of how violent his teen years had been and the trouble he’d put the local police force through wasn’t an entirely welcome one, but the mention of Hannes still filled him with a mix of gratitude and sadness. Hannes had been a fantastic cop and the only thing that kept Eren from ending up in juvie or worse when he’d been at his lowest and most angry. The irony that the man with the biggest heart for hurt, delinquent kids had died of a heart attack still felt too bitter to swallow sometimes. “Hannes was… he was great. I haven’t seen his family in a while, how are they doing?”

“Well enough.” Rico shrugged, eying him still. “We can catch up later, I actually came over here for more than hellos.”

Spine subtly straightening, Eren nodded; the respect he’d learned to bear for this tiny spitfire of an officer didn’t change on her current lack of a badge. “Yes, ma’am?”

The effort only drew a snort from her, but it came with a hint of a smile and that was high praise. “I’ll be blunt.” She always was. “You were doing job aps, I saw them. I need someone over here where I work, especially someone who I know can be dangerous. It’s minimum wage but the kids are good and lunch is free if you take your employee bracelet up to the food court on your breaks.”

For a moment Eren doubted his hearing. Despite the offer of a job on a platter, he couldn’t help asking, “Why do you want someone dangerous watching kids with you? Isn’t that the opposite of your usual parameters?”

“No, because you’re not that kind of dangerous. You’re the kind that beats the shit out of anyone that causes a problem for something that matters to you; I need that right now.” Gritting her teeth, she jerked her head back towards the play area and started walking; Eren fell into step without thinking about it, bag hooked over his shoulder. “See,” she continued, “there have been some disappearances going down the river line for the last six months. Just a few here and there, not enough for the dumbfuck Feds to follow, but it’s leading down our way. Most of my old coworkers keep me in the loop and call me in to consult on occasion, so I know it’s always in a shopping mall, usually around a holiday, and it’s always kids under six. I’m not losing any of my babies, but this is a busy time with memorial day sales coming up and it gets insane. I’m not going to risk missing something. I usually hire on some extra help anyways but the kind of idiots I get applying here don’t know a good right hook from a monkey’s asshole and they’d be too busy panicking and trying to call for security to stop someone who grabbed a kid. I can handle it, but I can’t be everywhere at once when we’re crowded and there’s extra kids from holiday rush shoppers. So, that’s where you come in.”

This was probably the first time in his life that Eren could say his violent past was an asset in the job market. Running everything she’d told him through his head, Eren finally said, “So you want me here because I can put down anyone who tries to get one of the kids, and call security _after_ they’re too fucked up to run away.”

“Pretty much. Not to mention that when you don’t try to smile you look about one minute away from ripping someone’s head off, anyways.” As he choked on an embarrassed noise, Rico looked up at him, expression wry and pragmatic. “Hey, your natural intimidation factor can keep the kids safe, too. If whoever’s out there is too scared to get close, they can’t try anything.” She stopped them with a smooth ankle turn to face him, staring upward like his easy foot of height on her meant nothing, which was probably true. Small and wiry and incredibly lethal, Rico had never taken shit from anyone, and Eren didn’t know what to do with the respect he saw now in her eyes, a regard he didn’t think he’d ever earned.

Reading his expression, she sighed quietly. “Listen, I knew you and your file backwards and forwards. I remember. You wrecked a lot of guys in your heyday, kid, and not one of them didn’t have it coming for something or other anyways. People as stubborn and ferocious as you were don’t change much, and I’d rather you be here than not.”

“I don’t have any experience in child care, though,” Eren pointed out, voice softer than usual, less certain; he didn’t want to let her down, didn’t want to blow this, but experience with disappointment made him cautious.

“You don’t need it. I don’t need you taking care of the munchkins, I have part-timers for that. If you hang around for a while and show a talent I’ll give you a shot at it, but right now you’re hired muscle. The way you were filling out aps for the entire mall, I’m taking a wild guess to say you’ve got nothing better lined up right now.”

The way Rico never pulled her punches tended to put people off, but for Eren it was reassuring, and he relaxed a little. She wouldn’t have offered if it wouldn’t work. He shrugged easily, having no counter for anything she’d said. “You’re right, I don’t. I’m fine with being muscle if that’s what you want”

The two of them were inside the glass-walled area now, leaning their shoulders on opposite sides of the wide door frame as they watched a yellow-shirted employee walk the kids through snack time. Someone had been a casualty of flung graham crackers and was making a considerable fuss about the crumbs on his new shoes; Rico sighed. “They’re little monsters, though. Be glad you don’t have to play babysitter.”

Eren snorted quietly. “I can handle kids, Rico; it’s adults that piss me off.” Jaw tightening, he thought of the pictures Mikasa had sent of clumsy babies trying to learn martial arts; thought of some of the dirtier corners of the city he’d been in and the things he’d seen that had prompted some of his worse massacres. Voice carefully steady, he warned her, “If I put someone down for trying to take a kid, I’m not going to be gentle or fair. I’m going to hurt them and I’m going to do it as fast and mean as I can.”

The glint in her eyes as she smiled at him reminded Eren why this tiny woman had been such a force to be reckoned with while on the SPD. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say. What size shirt do you wear? You can start now if you’re not busy.”

~

The shirt she gave him was a size smaller than he’d asked for, meaning it cut tightly across the muscle of his shoulders and back; from the smug expression on her face, Eren had to guess it was on purpose, considering that the muscle tone visible likely made him more intimidating, despite the cheery yellow cotton with its family-friendly logo on the back. There was an inch of skin from his jeans to the hem of his shirt that didn’t want to stay covered when he sat down, but after tugging it down for the tenth time, Eren finally gave up on it and ignored the slight breeze around his midriff as he filled in yet another form from the stack she’d given him.

His bag of other applications was crammed into a cubby in the back room of the walled-in part of the daycare area, the rest of the stores he hadn’t checked on remained unchecked as he lost himself in the typical repetition of name, address, social security number. In a more official child care bastion, he’d be vetted with background checks and several interviews, but there was a terrifying lack of security to mall daycare and having the word of a former cop was good enough; she already knew everything in his file from front to back. Even still, Eren would have expected more people to be wary of a new person suddenly just showing up, but no one seemed to even pay attention as they handed over their offspring, signed a form and walked off. It made sense to him after a little while watching that, why a person like Rico would end up here, protecting a forgotten little corner of innocent kids that made easy targets. The officer he remembered her to be had never left a job undone that she could do herself, even if no one asked her to. She fit easily into the chaos here, moving in a steady rhythm of keeping a herd of kindergarteners under control. Considering Mikasa’s earlier text about being crawled on by babies, Eren found it to be an ironic and unnoticed foreshadowing that he’d ended up here, too, as he watched his new boss once again scooped two flailing, squealing little bodies onto her shoulders and head to the soft padding of the play area to dump them. It was the fourth time she’d done so with those kids, a troublemaking pair of redheaded twins that were mischief incarnate with smiles sweet enough to give you a toothache.

The other caretaker working there headed over to keep an eye on them, allowing Rico to head back over to Eren. “How’s the paperwork coming?”

“Just finishing.” Setting the last form on the stack and pinning it to the clipboard, he handed it over, watching her flick through with rapid, skimming glances.

“Well, looks good. Go ahead and come out here, then. You’ll be on the official payroll once I get the paperwork done tonight, and I’d rather the kids got used to you now than later; once they trust you, they’ll go to you if they’re scared, which is important if I’m the one taking down a threat.”

The thorough nature of the plan made Eren wonder how the hell she’d come up with all of this as quickly as she had- he hadn’t been out there more than an hour- but then again, she might well have been planning to have another officer come in and changed her mind at the last minute to him. Either way, Eren made his way out to one side of the padded, hip-height barrier that contained the main play area, finding a good vantage point to keep an eye on both the mall area and the kids, in case Rico did need that extra pair of hands she’d mentioned. It had been years since he’d gotten himself in bloody back-alley trouble every night, but watching for threats came easy, not so different from eyeing his own customers for signs of perversion or danger. The stakes were merely much, much higher. Eren would rather have an endless stream of more bad nights than let it happen to a kid; it was a wordless certainty in his head, a desperate clutch that he not let it happen. He was worn down and scarred already, but them? Too young, too innocent to know how to handle another human being deliberately wanting to hurt them, and just thinking about it made him sick.

It’d been about an hour when curious, tiny fingers tugged at his shirt hem, prompting him to split his attention between the rest of the area and the tiny blonde child staring up at him. Couldn’t be more than four, little sundress covered in polka dots, a smudge of what looked like jam on her cheek. She was fidgeting, eyes huge and brown as they stared up at him. After a moment with no further action, Eren finally asked slowly, “Yes…?”

Big eyes went wider and she stared at him, apparently shocked he could speak. Tiny hands waved in something like distress or excitement as she still considered him. There were only a handful of kids in the playplace right now, well-watched by the others, and Eren focused a little more on her, idly aware of Rico watching him from the sidelines.

“U-uh!” She did something odd with her feet, a duck-feet stomp perhaps, and then flailed her arms up at him. “Up!”

Shit. Well, Rico wanted them to trust him, and this little sprite didn’t seem to have trouble with it. Even so, Eren glanced over and waited for the single nod Rico gave him before bended down to scoop up the tiny child. She sat in the crook of his arm, hands on the shoulder nearest, and continued to stare at him without speaking. Huh. At a loss for what she needed, Eren simply turned back out to the play area to continue his watch. A few minutes passed, the little girl still looking at his face before she patted his shoulder. “Down!” She insisted, voice quiet but determined, and Eren bent to set her on her feet, barely noticing the loss of her weight from how small she was. Gleefully smiling, the tiny girl proceeded to run back into the play area and cling to another kid, and Eren put his attention back to watching the walkways and escalators beyond their colorful little rink. Kids were weird, and she hadn’t cried when he looked at her, so he wasn’t going to worry about it.

Except she did it again, maybe a half hour later at most, and then again, and again until her parents came for her three hours later. Tugged at his shirt until he looked down, raised her arms and said only the word ,“Up!” Eren picked her up, kept up his watch, and set her down a few minutes when she patted him and said, “Down!” Eren never figured it out, but he got used to her, and she seemed to smile wider every time he did as she asked. As she was one of the last children to be collected, it was close to their closing hours when she finally scampered off to an older woman, perhaps a grandmother, who seemed delighted when the tiny thing reached out to hold hands. The mild curiosity he felt didn’t have any clear answers, and Eren put it out of his mind until the last kids were collected and Rico called him in to give him more papers.

“These are your copies. You’re all set,” she said mildly, clattering around the small office space as Eren walked back to find his bag. He was considering whether to stay in his work shirt or change for the bus ride home when Rico spoke up, voice deceptively casual as she commented, “You know, that little girl doesn’t do too well with people. Mid-level autism, took her months to start talking to any of us. She liked you, though.”

Pausing to absorb that before pulling his bag strap over his head, Eren smiled a little, bewildered. “I’m not sure why. If I look scary to adults, I wouldn’t think kids would find me comforting.”

“Kids don’t bullshit. The radar they have for good people is pretty intense. Guess I picked well.” There was a slant to Rico’s eyes as she glanced back at him, something content and almost proud that made Eren’s chest ache. “Anyways, you did good with her.”

It was simple praise, made more overwhelming by how rarely he knew this woman to give it. Licking his lips before he answered, Eren finally just nodded, at a loss for any words that’d convey his gratitude, his worry, his hope that he did okay at this. It was just a temp job, most likely, but it was an actual job and that alone felt like a bit of fresh air after choking for months.

Eying his expression, Rico almost smiled before jerking her head towards the doors. “Get outta here. I have shit to do before lock-up and you’re done for today.”

“Yeah, okay.” It wasn’t until he was at the door, looking back at her before pushing through, that Eren could manage to say, “Thank you,” but he did, and he knew from the flippant hand wave that she heard him. Smiling, he shook his head and walked out of the day-care center.

Still in his yellow shirt, Eren wandered towards the bus station, more grateful than ever for the late hours it ran. With a fifteen minute wait until the next one came, Eren paused to take a picture of himself under a streetlight, far enough out that the logo on his shirt was visible. A moment later, he sent it to Mikasa, tagged with the subtitle, “ _Your kiddos are good luck.”_

It took another moment of dithering, wondering if he was being stupid, before he had the guts to send it to Levi and Erwin, too, and his heart was thumping as he hit the ‘send’ button, but Eren couldn’t help the flutter of nervous pride in his guts as he did. He wanted them to know he’d done well for himself.

It was a moment later that the first response came, followed by a second moments later.

**_Levi_ ** _: Nice. Make sure you wash your hands a lot, children are breeding grounds for disease and germs._

**_Erwin_ ** _: Congratulations, Eren, that’s great news. Ignore Levi, he’s very anal._

A moment later, almost as soon as he’d read it, another one.

**_Levi_ ** _: You can tell Erwin that I’ll show him the true meaning of anal, just watch me._

They had to be sitting next to each other and both texting him. Laughing, almost breathless with the happy little uncurl of warmth in his stomach, Eren bit his lip before letting his thumbs fly over the tiny keyboard, refusing to think too hard about whether he should or not. They wanted him honest, so he would be.

**_Eren_ ** _: Or I could cash in my raincheck and you can show both of us._

A pause, longer than before that made him regret everything he’d said before they both responded, rapid-fire chimes that startled him despite waiting for them.

**_Levi_ ** _: That sounds fantastic, how soon can we get you._

**_Erwin_ ** _: Well, a celebration is certainly in order. Would you like us to pick you up?_

The grin was wide enough to hurt as he texted back, ignoring the flush on his cheeks,

**_Eren_ ** _: Sounds great to me. I’m out at the mall, waiting for the bus back downtown._

**_Levi_ ** _: Oh hey we live on that side of town. Perfect._

**_Erwin_ ** _: Be there soon._

Giddy with the success, Eren texted back confirmation and sat back against the light pole, dazed at how weightless and happy he felt. It was sad how rare the feeling was these days, but he didn’t care, because right now his heart was beating fast with excitement and two gorgeous men who wanted his company were on their way to pick him up. No matter what else went wrong, this day had been absolutely _awesome_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Levi and Erwin in this chapter, but I thought we could all agree that Eren needed a good day, so here we go. Next chapter will solve that problem.
> 
> I wish I could say this was the end of Eren's sadness or troubles, but that wouldn't be very realistic, would it? But for now, he's having a good day; stay strong through the coming storm, my brave little angst soldiers! Also I'm working on putting together a playlist of writing music for this fic and might toss it on 8tracks if any of you guys would like. Included will be the songs that I keep borrowing from for song titles, cause I'm classy like that.
> 
> As always, you can find me at the same username on [tumblr](http://khimairan.tumblr.com), and track the tags for my url and **"fic: let me be me"**. I always love getting messages or questions, so don't hesitate to poke me over there, too. Until next time~


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